The Fat Assassin

this blog will self destruct in 5, 4, 3, 2....

2011-06-06T23:50:00.000+12:00

follow me here

this blog will be shutting up shop before the end of the week.

xx

the tipping point or how i came to finally figure it out upsidedown

2011-05-30T22:20:00.000+12:00

I've been busy, it's the busiest period at work for the whole year, it should be back to normal busy at the end of June!

Also after months of just working I finally added some other activities in my life, yoga and japanese.

Japanese is going okay, it a course for travellers and I am still terrified I am not going to be able to communicate at all in 8 weeks. My teacher assures me I will be fine.

I've also been participating in a beginners yoga course, and loving it. This week, however not so much, and now we come to the title of the post, and then some.

We did a series of cleansing poses tonight, and it just made me feel sad, I could have easily just started to cry, i'm not sure if they were meant to be those kind of cleansing poses or to be honest if they even exist, but yes, I had to try and keep it in.

Then she gave us the option to hang upside down on this swing thing, whilst locked into the wall.

thoughts running through my head.

no fucking way
shouldn't have had that milo dude.
no fucking way
hmm how much weight does that wall hold.
teacher: lucinda relax your face ;-)
what if i get stuck then flip on my arse, or get tangled.
teacher explains the move, explains that wall is reinforced.
thought to self, hmm hmm, no fucking way.
watch half class do it.
do not want to break wall.
wall is reinforced dude, give it a go.
nuh uh.
second half class get up, i stay sitting on my cushion.
teacher turns round.
make eye contact which says for the love of god i ain't doing that, be on your way.
teacher meantions we can do it in our one on one class.
oddly i am okay with this, happy to break wall in private.

we do some relaxing poses to end.
i kind of want to cry, but not really.

people, this is the tipping point, light bulb moment, freaking hit over the head with a large object when i realised that me being fat doesn't hold me back from big goals like running marathons and stuff.

it's all that small shit, that adds up.

and it's finally starting to piss me off enough to do something about it.

i'm not sure if i should feel happy or sad about that, and that is okay.

feeling terrified i will break the wall when frankly i wasn't is not.

but the weight has to go, or i'm just going to miss out hanging upside down and seeing the world from a different perspective.

and i really want to do that.

things i love thursday - the running and travel edition

2011-04-14T14:45:00.000+12:00

japan - my planning for my august trip is in full swing, after spending plenty of time thinking about if i should go or not, i'm going. i'll be spending time in tokyo, kyoto, osaka and surrounds. if you want to catch up when i'm in the country, let me know!

canada - aha! my whv has been approved and i'll be heading off to live in Toronto for two years this October/November. yes, that will be two back to back winters, i know i know.

downsizing - i'm well aware that i came into NZ with a day pack and a back pack, and i'm hoping to head to canada that way as well, although i will be leaving a box of things i can't bear to give, sell, leave behind with one of my housemates to post when i am set up in Toronto, or at least have an address. Everything else? hello trade me! i'm going to slowly downsize during the year, rather than try and do it in six weeks like i did when i moved over from Australia.

chocolate - or rather lack of it, this i do not love. but with the no sugar rule firmly in place, except for two events, lone easter bunny next weekend, and a rest during trip japan. it along with a few other changes will hopefully have a good effect on my pcos.

running - my 4th half marathon is in a couple of weeks!

Vom Vom

2011-03-25T19:24:00.000+13:00

The nausea from my medication has set in, currently i'm living on some toast, broth, and peppermint tea and tonight i'm going to attempt a bowl of steamed vegies, with more broth. To be honest I have no appetite and the only reason I am eating is that my medication has to be taken with food three times a day - bye bye snacks. Although I did also manage an apple today, good times.

I've made an appointment to see the dietician and metabolic typing dude next week and the week after. I'll feel better when I have a better idea what I need to not eat and can eat, and how much, and what I can use to now fuel my runs.

I'm also going to work on having less stressful lifestyle, not that it is epic, but I do work ALOT, I generally do work through my lunchbreak, more out of habit than anything else, oh and the rather high workload, but yeah really more out of habit. So I am going to try and reorganise the way I do things both at home, work and socially.

Home
We are getting a cleaner. Never thought I would ever get one, but we are.

Thinking about getting the bulk of my groceries delivered - thinking have not got there yet - i'm not going to be eating that much, so it may also be a waste and I may be better off just going in to shop.

Going to the market every Sunday - to get all my fresh vegies and fruit.

Having time away from the laptop and social media for a few hours each night, and doing other things like reading, travel planning, doing nothing, stretching, talking to people.

Making my bedroom more homely - yeah I'm moving later this year but it doesn't mean it needs to look half lived in for that time.

Buying a foam roller and using it at home, it really would help if I used one at the gym and at home.

Work

Take my lunch break, everyday.

Organise my desk, it's pretty well organised, but I think it could be better.

Plan to cut back hours at second job, yeah i'm still pondering that. Will need to look at my budget at see when this will be possible.

Other

Read more

Try new running routes - when my foot gets better, yes, I'm still stuck on the treadmill.

Venture out in Wellington more, if it's to do more things socially, attend a yoga class, a play, poke about in a shop, just get out there a bit more.

I don't necessarily want to increase the amount of things I'm doing, but I do want to focus on things that are not going to bring any more stress or havoc. I can't control everything, but I can work on making my life more enjoyable in so many ways.

There will of course be more changes as time goes on.

What would you suggest? What worked for you?

First Steps

2011-03-23T22:30:00.000+13:00

I had my weekly pt session today, I had sent an email to my trainer yesterday updating him on the pcos - and wanted to know how that would change our sessions, if at all and my training in general.

Currently I mainly run for exercise, I also have a weekly pt session which is never the same, and I also have core, strength, and stretching work to do. My training for the last year has been planned around my running, and still is.

He says my training is great, I do follow my plan, and work really hard, and have continued to improve. That was really good to hear, I had this fear that maybe I had not been working out hard enough. But as I was reminded today I run long distances you can not run hard and fast for that long, it's not the point.

There is no plan to drastically change my exercise programme as such, our sessions will now be high intensity, where as before we would work on running exercises, new stretches and core work. But core work and that will still be going on, as I said our sessions have never been the same. Until my peroneal injury clears up I won't be doing any super intense running intervals either. At the moment I'm stuck on the treadmill with no incline at a steady pace, I'm dying to go outside for a run - as the weather is getting cooler here by the day, but the physio says no for now, so that's what it is. I did get special permission to do our fundraising run a couple weeks ago though!

He also recommended a homeopath and someone to do some metabolic typing for me, I'll make plans to see both in the next week or two and report back. I'm pretty open to complementary therapies, the only reason there are pain killers in my house is due to running, and that's was just in case during the marathon pain killers, i'm not anti traditional meds mind you, i've just always been pretty healthy, besides a couple of issues, but nothing I had any control over.

I'm on the second day of metformin and I have a little bit of nausea - if it stays like that it will be manageable, any more and it'll get interesting.

Kate commented about my doctor being quite direct about the diabetes and cvd. To be honest my of the appointment is a blur, as I wasn't expecting any of it, but he did say that and explained why...problem is I can't remember the why bit. I have a followup in six weeks (because oh my thyroid in underactive, blood tests are fast here!), and he would like to retest it to see how it is going. I will have alot more questions by then!

Huh?

2011-03-22T23:31:00.000+13:00

I was diagnosed with PCOS this morning.

W.T.F

I knew something was up with my hormones, but assumed it was just because my ovaries had taken such a battering over the years, that it was something to do with that. But I also got to the point where although my diet wasn't very very strict, for the amount of exercise and the way my diet was, I shouldn't have been putting on rate at the way I was, something wasn't right, but I didn't realise how bad it was until today.

My GP was straight up about it, and very clear.

I'm going to get diabetes in the next three years.
I'm have a 4-5 times risk of getting Cardio Vascualar Disease, this double though because I'm overweight. I'll have CVD by the time I'm 50, maybe 55 if I'm lucky - do I have heart disease in my family, yes.
My blood pressure which has always been a little low, or normal is now high.

So the plan is!

1. I need to do intense exercise for at least 5-6 hours a week - I don't really count my running as intense though, I've got pt tomorrow, so will talk with my trainer about it then.

2. I need to think like a diabetic, and see a dietician so I know what I can and can't eat.

3. I need to keep a food diary.

4. I need to decrease my portions and get used to always feeling a little bit hungry.

5. Low carbs, and Low fat.

6. I have to have a load of blood tests.

7. I'm now on metformin, for a very very long time.

8. The dr wants me to seriously consider having gastric sleeve surgery.

Everything is going to have to change.

I had a cry in the doctors office, which is reasonable, you know, I've been overweight since I was 9 and I have always struggled with it, and yeah there have been times where I have been a real lazy shit, but in the last 6 years or so i've really progressed, so seeing the weight not go that way as well as been rather demoralising to say the least. At least I can say I am fit!

The medication has side effects such as nausea and stomach upsets, i'm hoping this doesn't happen to me, but I am on a high dose so it may just end up being that way. I hope it does not play too much havoc with being able to run long distances. I really do love my running.

I'll know more once I have been to the dietician, and read a lot more. I think i'll go over each of the steps in detail over the next few weeks on the blog, along with my symptoms it will help me begin to adjust to things, and have a reference point.

If you have PCOS please get in touch, or know of a blog or a website.

I'm so not impressed right now!

sweet girl

2011-03-20T20:30:00.000+13:00

you sat on the edge of my bed and told me it was over.

i stared at the wall, i remember thinking, don't vomit, please god don't vomit. tears welled, and flowed, and flowed, on both sides. i wanted to say so much, but couldn't, my voice wouldn't work, nothing would. i couldn't look and you and i couldn't touch you, not that i didn't want to, my body just stopped, everything, just stopped. we talked slowly yet carefully, i tried not to break down. the rest is a blur. i remember you telling me that you would always love me, you hand squeezed mine and you kissed me, and then you left.

i remember sitting there for ages, on the bed. just crying, and making myself stay there. eventually i went to the bathroom, and then back to bed, and slept.

i got up the following morning and went for a run, i ran a lot that week and the following months, everything was a fog, and on some days it still is.

i made new routines, new places to go to, to linger, and to be. places we didn't go to. i went to the other gym location, ran earlier in the morning, avoided your end of town, found a new place to have cocktails, and walked a lot - you hated walking, and i guess you still do.

new friends came into my life, old ones left, and the good ones stayed. i shut off, pushed away, and worked, and worked, and drank way to much cider. my bedroom in some kind of revolt became chaos, you were always so neat, i admired that neatness, i think you thought i didn't, but i did.

we've texted now and again, i sent you a birthday and christmas card. told you i missed you, and checked you were okay after the quake, just in case you were there. it's hard when you lose your best friend and partner in one go. i still care, still worry, and yes i'm still madly in love with you.

people ask me if i'm angry or bitter, and no i'm not. shocked, yes, sad, yes. but i find it hard to be anything else.

tonight, it's six months. it's been so long, and at the same time so fast. so much has happened, and yet so much hasn't.

tears run as i type, and i know i need to get this out, write it down, and put it out there, and let go a little bit more.

because it's what i need to do.

and you?

walk on to the porch, sit on the steps, and look at the moon x

that would be nice

2011-03-14T22:41:00.000+13:00

having two day weekends
sleeping in on one
canoodling on the other, or both
reading in bed
living really close to a farmers market
having bookshelves
with books
close to a park
fresh coffee in the morning
candles
a welsh corgie
a job that didn't take up former blessed free time
little herb and vegie garden
summer, again
or even spring
weekend newspapers
a wicked brunch place
good stereo
boots
more running shoes
a bike
fresh flowers
kisses

When bloggers do good*

2011-03-13T15:30:00.001+13:00

When Kate emailed us with the idea for Run4CHCH, I think I can speak for all of us when I say, we never thought it would take off the way it did, ever. We hoped we would get 100 people and raise $1000, never thinking we would hit the $ target less than 2 days after we let people know about it.

It's Sunday afternoon here in NZ, and on our fundraising site alone we've raised $8690.64 so far! And yes, we've moved our fundraising target :-)

This morning I headed off to meet up with Pip, Kate and Phil for our run in Wellington. It was a stunning morning, just a slight breeze, if that.

I met up with Pip then Kate and Phil - I'd never met either Kate or Phil before - and they were just lovely, seriously nice people - Pip is awesome too! I tend to get a bit tongue tied when meeting new people, so next time I probably be a lot more talkative :-) Although Phil and I did have a great chat whilst running, clearly me being the slower one it was cool of him to run with me and I was really happy that I was able to talk and run at the same time, once I worked out my breathing! From then on I could even answer in more than three words, and talk even more. We ran along along Oriental Bay and around the bays to the 2.5km turn around and then back. It was really nice and warm, and there were loads of people out running and cycling. Phil and Kate took some photos during the run - which I shall nab once they are up ;-)

I really enjoyed the run, because I normally run alone to train and with others during races, but I've never run and chatted with someone before for an extended amount of time, normally because they are faster than me! I really enjoyed it, and I am going to join a running group when I move to Toronto for sure. I don't know that many runners in Wellington, although it might be worth joining a group for winter training.

We then headed to the tugboat for a well earned chat and some food, which was awesome. None of my other mates run, or anything like that, so it was great to be able to chat about running, and cycling and that kind of stuff with people who have the same interests - usually any running chat is held during my pt session with my trainer so being able to talk with others was great!

I am personally really appreciative to all the bloggers I emailed that spread the word about Run4CHCH - And of course everyone else that supported us in the last few weeks. The response is something I don't think we ever expected, and it really has gone global

Thank you awesome people, thank you, thank you, thank you.

*super special thanks to Kate, Phil, Pip and Mike for being the best people they can be :-)

saturday

2011-03-12T17:08:00.000+13:00

things i love thursday - the nz edition

2011-03-10T23:38:00.000+13:00

le'esscience - Gillian's sleep blend is da bomb, along with her massages.

cheese english muffins - I only buy them twice a year, because it takes me less than 48 hours to get through a packet.

afghan biscuits - we never had bought biscuits growing up due to finances, home made biscuits could be found on holiday at my Nan's though. These are the only biscuits worthy, in my opinion, oh an maybe coconut cremes. (also bought around twice a year).

air new zealand - best airline ever. they have all these awesome deals, their staff are great (besides the one chewing gum on my flight from Dunedin a few weeks back). They have also just started introducing ginger cookies on their flights, very helpful if you suffer from motion sickness! If I wasn't moving, I would work for them*

wellington - it's farking hilly i tell you, but you know what after all that hill running that auckland bridge crossing during the marathon didn't bother me at all. I was like 'what steep section, where?' Also if you can run here, you can run anywhere - however i have never run in snow. But have almost been blown away by gale force winds whilst running several times, this is normal, and horizontal rain.

*I got the all clear to move to Canada! Late October/early November and I am all systems go to Toronto! I know no one there, so if you know a blogger, prospective flatmate or employer, let me know!

Autumn, operation organise and the weigh in that wasn't

2011-03-08T16:21:00.001+13:00

It's Autumn here and the weather has changed in the last week or so to darker, cooler, wetter, a hint of months to come. Everything from now on gets busier and peaks around June, actually there are numerous busy peaks - I've got a marathon at the end of April, start my Japanese lessons in May,a half marathon mid June, my Japan trip in August and the busiest period of the working year from April through the end of June.

one of the views from my bedroom, the leaves have started to turn up in readiness for winter

I'm going to have to become much more organised, and I've come up with a list will hopefully might help - feel free to add anything to it, what helps you through winter? Keeping in mind NZ is lacking in double glazing, central heating and insulation!

- start making soups and freezing them for winter - got an awesome winter soup recipe? Do share!
- do the same for casseroles (and tasty leftovers for the next few weeks)
- make heaps of the ww granola i love, and try different oat recipes out
- get outside for lunch even if it's just to get a coffee or walk to the gym
- have more early morning starts, for some reason it tends not to rain before 6.30am, or at least it didn't last year during run training
- clean up the apartment for winter - we didn't spring clean this year, so I am going to find time to clean up the cupboards, reorganise things, and have a good clearout!
- buy an electric blanket
- buy some warm clothes, i always tend to be colder than I should be during winter, not sure why i make myself suffer through, but this year i'm determined to be warm! This year i'm going to get some boots, a wooly hat, a merino undershirt (or something similar), and some tights so I can wear skirts in winter too.
- knit a scarf or two, depends on my patience

Operation organise has begun - today, the pantry - well part of it.

I live in a three bedroom apartment, with two others. This means sharing communal space, including the pantry. I use two of the shelves, the one above and below the middle shelf. The bottom shelf has more communal stuff and things we can't fit on the other pantry shevles, like my housemates beloved iced tea!

before

We are also in the process of organising a baking shelf of sorts, it's a work in progress. Below is storage for wine, and the giant bag of onions I bought over the weekend - I'm always using onions, so thought I should get a bag this time.

It was good to tidy it up, I only thought I had one tomato tin, nope, I've got four! And heaps of garlic.

after - so much more space, and I can see what I have now, rather than guessing.

I also bought a cake carrier from tupperware a while back, as I kept baking for work and leaving plates there. When i'm not baking for work it makes and excellent storage container for pasta (no, i can't eat whole wheat pasta since I started longer runs - doesn't work with my system...) ,and rolled oats.

pasta and oat storage

And the weigh in that wasn't? I keep switching between my housemates scales and the ones and the gym, and they read a lot differently. So i'm sticking to the gym ones, and there won't be another weigh in until next Friday/Saturday - there is a semi special reason for that. The other reason is I have not tracked very much the last week or so, but either way from next week onward i'll be weighing in weekly on the one set of scales even if i've had an off week.

Part of this post was inspired by Phil and her pantry clean out and Kath and her Home Neat Home series.

On the other hand

2011-03-06T06:00:00.000+13:00

In other news...

I am so much more findable via google now. Not that I have too much to be concerned with, besides my mini rant against the food bloggers, and meh break up posts, it's pretty PG around here.

I didn't track at all this past week, a combination of not getting to the supermarket, being away for work, and general disorganisation! Going to sort that this weekend - Lost another 2kg last week, so will report back with weigh in tomorrow.

I bought an awesome jacket for my tv debut - would have never normally looked at it, but needed something to wear as I had no red or black in my wardrobe. I'm in LOVE with the jacket. The girls in the shop were really helpful, and I'm happy they picked it out for me. My wardrobe is in need of an overhaul.

I've got a peroneal strain in my foot/leg. Not cool. I'm stuck on the bike at the moment, with a little bit of treadmill work. And alot of physio and exercises. Still on track for the marathon at the end of April. And will still be running/walking next weekend - at the back of the pack - come say hello!

I need some good winter recipes idea people?! No, it's not spring here :-(

Be Amazed, Be You.

2011-03-05T00:57:00.000+13:00

Sometimes things happen that are completely unexpected. The run that Kate, Phil, Pip, Mike and I launched over a week ago has taken off. As you can see in my previous post, we hoped to raise $1000 and get 100 runners from all over the world. In just over a week we have managed to raise over $3500, and have had emails in from all over the world. We've been interviewed on the radio, done podcasts, had mentions in the newsprint, news websites, other bloggers have let their readers know about the run, and this morning I went on national tv live to talk about our little fundraiser. I think I can speak for the five of us and go we never expected this kind of response, and we are just thinking WOW.

I've been on tv once before, I think I was about six, my father initially trained as a tv cameraman, and one time they needed some children for a local commercial, nothing huge - for memory it may have been for a shopping centre. So I went along, had a chat to some people, whilst all the time being filmed, having no idea that I was - or more so unaware - I probably just thought they were setting up things, and then was that, commercial was filmed before I was aware it had started.

Today was a bit different, it was going to be live tv. I was nervous, very. But also knew the opportunity was HUGE. Pip came along with me and unfortunately wasn't able to be interviewed :-( But I am really glad she was able to come along, and be part of our tv efforts. We arrived and waited in reception briefly, before we were taken in and headed to makeup. I'd been sent instructions on clothing etc the day before, so knew they would touch up my makeup to make it tv ready, and adjust my curly hair. Everyone I met today was so welcoming, and made me feel at ease, I don't think i'll ever forget it.

Once my hair and make up was done, we headed to the green room, and I signed my release form and chatted to the other guests and staff. The guy that would be interviewing us came in to introduce himself and have a bit of a chat. Again, he put us all at ease, was very friendly, and genuine - I'm going to write them all a letter this week.

Time passed quickly and the stage manager came out to get us, and soon enough I was standing on the edge of the set with the sound technician getting my microphone on, and just pumping about the whole thing. The cameras looked light - although i'm sure they are not! Everyone was calm, chatty and friendly. The set was sparser than I expected, and it was all very surreal! Soon enough we were sitting on the couch getting sorted and our positions correct, and then it was all go. The co-host said we would on in total for about 8 minutes - and it would fly, and that it did.

And it went just fine!

I don't think i've ever had such a hit of adrenaline - as soon as we went off air after the interview ended, it just hit, it's only just starting to drop off. Pip couldn't shut me up the entire drive back into Wellington!

When I took up blogging years ago, I don't think I could have ever anticipated the opportunities or insights it gave me. I blogged about a lot of aspects of my life, and met some amazing people both in person, and online. Today also proved that if you do anything, do what you love and you are passionate about and the rest will follow.

And one other thing, don't ever hold yourself back from doing something because of your weight, ever. I admit late last night I did think that maybe it would stupid of me to represent the five of us on tv, because I didn't 'look' like a runner. And well, that's just crap. I am a runner, I may be slow, but I am a runner.

Today, I think I may have finally realised what i'm capable of, and what other people are capable of too. YOU are capable of anything, and I really do mean anything.

Follow your dreams, your heart, and your passions, and you'll take yourself to places you never imagined, and trust me, you'll never look back.

Run for Christchurch

2011-02-25T19:05:00.000+13:00

As you probably know, New Zealand's second largest city, Christchurch, was devastated by a 6.3 earthquake at lunchtime on Tuesday 22 February 2011. There have been at least 113 fatalities and two days later over 200 people are still missing.

Kiwis out of Christchurch and people around the world want to know how they can help, and the answer's short. With money. But we all want to feel like we're doing more than just typing our credit card numbers into a box and clicking submit. So, Mike, Pip, Kate, Phil and I thought we'd go for a run. Wearing red and black, to show the people of Canterbury we love them. And we'd like you to join us for our virtual fun run. Wherever you are.

If you’d like to participate, just follow these easy steps:

•make a donation of as little as $5 at our fundraising page •follow us on twitter!
•tell the world you’re in. Share the love on Twitter, Facebook, your blog, whatever. Use the #run4chch hashtag
•on the 12th or 13th of March, pop your red and black on, and hit the streets, or the pavements, or the trails, or wherever it is you run
•send us a link to your race report, and we’ll post it on our blog

We’re hoping to get at least 100 entries, so please, please share this with everyone you know!

For more information

http://www.fundraiseonline.co.nz/run4chch/

https://twitter.com/#!/Run4CHCH use the hashtag #run4chch

http://run4chch.wordpress.com/

Active Rest

2011-02-21T19:29:00.000+13:00

I've got an active rest week planned, no weighted bearing exercise, no running until later this week. Currently it looks like this.

Today - Warm up on the bike, then 30mins of stretching with my trainer.

Tuesday - A physio appointment, my ankle is a bit sore, normally I wouldn't worry but I have a marathon at the end of April, and just want to check all is good. 20 mins of cycling, more stretching.

Wednesday - Rowing sets, more stretching.

Thursday - 5km light run

Friday - Rest day and a massage.

Saturday - Upper body and core work. Again, with the stretching.

Sunday 12-15km run - will depend how I feel, stretching!

I've pulled up pretty well, I have a blister which is annoying - as it's rather large, and I prepped that part of my foot before the race, and my ankle (or fascia, or both) is acting up, it was rather swollen on Saturday, I have no idea why! It responds well to ice, will know more tomorrow.

Normally I'd have a lighter week, but I would like to keep moving, and if I get tired or whatever, I can just do stretching, and walking. I'm not good with rest periods, normally because after a certain time, they extend more than they should. So we are hoping this will nip that habit it the bud!

Half Marathon Race Report #3

2011-02-20T21:06:00.000+13:00

My prep yesterday was pretty standard, a little more carbs than during the week, and I also had an additional electrolyte drink - this I don't normally do the day before except for the marathon, but I had a feeling it would be quite hot today, so I drank up.

I slept pretty well, and got up early, had my oats, water more electrolyte and walked down to the race - about 15 mins from where I live. I was a little nervous, but not too bad. I went to the bathroom, then it was time to head to the start line.

I need to learn to start more toward the back of the pack, it wasn't too crowded so people didn't have to do much to get pass me. And I don't mind being passed, but it will help me with not going out too fast.

Heading around the bays, I knew it was going to be a scorcher, and it was only 8.30am! I had a really good first half, quite fast I think my split was around 1:22, then the shade went and the sun came out even more, for a long time, long long time. I slowed down a bit, then a lot, then picked up around the turnaround. And started getting water at each drink station to throw down my back. I was HOT. But I didn't cramp. I surged along the last km, and lost a minute or so waiting for a light to change so I could cross the street. And then powered home.

One of the volunteers came up and gave me a banana, another a sports drink and they helped me get my timing tag off my shoelace, and did my shoe back up - godsend!

For the life of me I couldn't find the massage tent, and there were still loads of people about. So I wandered across to wait for the free bus back into town, I was almost at the front of the line when the nausea hit, and I had to get out and head to the portable toilet to be sick, then I went and sat down on some steps in the shade, and decided just to hang out there, and get back in the line when the last bus arrived. I had to go back and be sick again, twice. It was just the heat, the same thing happened at my second half marathon, though much worse. Maybe I need a drink with more salt?

When I got back home I made some chicken noodle soup, and some vegies with salt. I tend to just eat what my body craves post race. It's generally salt, followed by protein, then more protein. I did have this odd craving for fish a chips, and I really don't like fried food, except for curly fries - and I reckon I had three portions of those last year, and that was split with someone. But I couldn't be bothered going down the stairs and to the shop to get them, so I just reheated some ww enchiladas I made a couple of days back.

I think my time was 3:16 or so, results come out tomorrow, it's my slowest time, and I really don't care, I finished, it was hot, and I'd put on weight, and even without all that I still ran the same course as everyone else - so as per usual I'm rather happy with myself.

I have a rest week this week and then the training ramps up again for my second marathon at the end of April!

Good things about the race
Road closure - Yes they close the road, but this is also my normal running route so it felt odd and kind of naughty.

Children handing out water - no matter how crap i'm feeling i'll always say thank you, smile big, and find the youngest kid to grab the water off, that smile is something you can't beat!

The guys with the hose, and water pistol people - Did I mention it was hot?

Not so cool
The lack of info on the website - Maybe I didn't look that well - but I couldn't find anything about a bag drop listed on the site, or hydration except for water.

Hydration station info - I emailed, I tweeted, I even called to find out about the sports drinks on the course, nothing. This morning they announce the drink and then it turns out to be blue, then clear, then orange - I'm lucky my gut survived. And yes I took my fuel belt but it emptied quick in the heat. That saying all that is cool, as long as people can find out beforehand.

I'm quite tired now, and rather ready for bed.

I'd also like to thank each and everyone of you for putting up with post break up Lucinda these last few months. I ran parts of today with you guys in mind, along with myself. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

x

The week that was and my race plan

2011-02-19T20:43:00.000+13:00

I had a pretty good week this week, rather busy, but good.

Tracking
I tracked everything, and stayed within my points overall for the week, I did end up using some of my exercise points too. I'm really impressed that I tracked everything, and I wasn't hungry.

Exercise
It was a light exercise week three workouts, as I have my half marathon tomorrow. Next week will be similar (except for tomorrow) with a light but semi active rest week

Thinking
I'm trying to be positive and just enjoy things at the moment, whatever they are. I'm also trying to have a bit more 'me' time. I find this helps a lot, given the amount of hours I work. At the moment I tend to spend one Sunday catching up with friends, and the next alone doing my own thing, this is great, as I really enjoy my own time. Like last Sunday when I just decided to watch tv for the afternoon, and it was all good.

Things to focus on in the coming week.
I want to have another full week of tracking, and maybe upping my water a little, I have around 8-10 glasses a day but I think I need another glass, it not hot, but it's warmer, and I don't drink more when I exercise :-S I also need to book the rest of my accommodation for my Japan trip in August!

Now to my race plan....

My lead up to this race has not been that great, BUT, i'm looking forward to it, it's a flat course, although with no shade, so I am hoping it isn't hot. I'm looking to finish, and with a sub 3 hour time, given my prep and the weight I've put on, that will be awesome. I want to push it when I can, and I am hoping to speed up just a little in my second half, as I do have a habit of holding back a little too much sometimes. But that will depend on the weather, my hydration is key.

Wish me luck!

I can't believe this time last year I was worried about running 7km, and now I'm onto my third half marathon, how cool is that?

:-)

Weigh In

2011-02-18T21:26:00.000+13:00

Start Weight 116.5kg
Current Weight 114.4kg
Loss 2.1kg

:-)

Anything will do

2011-02-17T21:46:00.000+13:00

I may end up weighing in a day early, mainly because I plan on weighing in at the gym, and I wasn't planning to go in on Saturday as it's a rest day before my half marathon, so I will either go in tomorrow and weigh in before work or during my lunch, on just pop in and out on Saturday.

I've tracked everything all week long, whether it's been water, my oats, ice cream, enchiladas, it's all on the tracker. Currently my weekly remaining points is on -4 (I had ice cream tonight). The ww enchilada recipe is really tasty too, and so quick to make.

One thing I have noticed though is I have gone off fruit, for the first time ever. I'll get some more in my next shop, just cannot work out why I didn't get any this week, odd.

I'm expecting a loss, so any loss would be good, I'm just aiming for 500g - 1kg, but a loss is a loss, so I really don't mind. Although I kind of have that first week weight loss expectation too!

Sheryl has an amazing blog, and has written a lot about the new system, which I found really helpful. I kind of want to transplant her and her leader Melanie to a meeting here in New Zealand!

Pro Points - Oh Yeah!

2011-02-15T19:35:00.000+13:00

To be honest I never really remembered to old points system, as in bread was this many points etc. I think mainly because I had such a varied diet, oh an yes because I was lazy!

This is my fourth day on pro points, and so far i'm really enjoy it. I have 6 of my weekly points left though! But in saying that it's become quite clear that my food must have been quite out of whack, so I'm looking forward to weighing in on Saturday and seeing a good result.

I've normally just used the books and kept a notebook, but this time I've singed up to WW Online and am tracking online, which is really easy, and it means I don't need to remember how many points things are to start off with, which helps! I've also made the fish parcels and asparagus risotto this week - the recipes are on the online database. Both were really yummy, and I've got a ww enchilada recipe all set to go next week as I do my grocery shopping fortnightly, and I'm trying to meal plan as best I can.

So far so good!

Funky Town - It’s all good!

2011-02-12T21:57:00.002+13:00

All week, well actually for the last few weeks, I’ve been thinking about going on a detox, or shakes, or getting meals delivered. Just to make things easier, and well quicker in the weightloss department. I kind of hit a stalemate at it’s been longer that I would ever have liked, but it’s completely my doing. It’s completely fine to get off track now and again, and eat lunch out for a few days, and drink some juice, and not keep up with my strength training or push myself with my running. But the last few months, and well before then things kind of went a bit awol.

The point is, I don’t need a shake, or a detox, or some chemical filled meal. I just need to grow up a bit about the whole thing, and do what works, eat well, eat clean, drink my water, move my body, and get enough sleep, that’s it.

Food
So today I’ve signed back up to weight watchers online, (with two jobs it is quite hard to make it meeting at the moment.) Once that finishes though, I’ll head back to meetings. I did actually sign up a few weeks ago back at meeting but the woman weighing me in wasn’t exactly that friendly, and it’s not the first time that’s happened, so I will take my time and find a meeting without her!

And I’m making a list today to go shopping after work and restock my pantry and fridge with some much needed groceries. My vegie and fruit box is empty, what’s with that?!

Body
My trainer and I have our regular session on Monday but will also be meeting to go over some ideas about how to change things up a bit, to kick start my fitness again. My fitness has slid, but it’s not a slide of epic proportions, and even if it was I can turn that around too.

I also have a half marathon next weekend....eeek!

Scale
I’m going to be weighing in at the gym for now. Once a week, most likely on a Saturday. I weighed in on Tuesday this week and it was 116.5kg (yeah i’ve put on about 10kg in the last few months, but it’s okay because it is going to come off!) I figure I could spend time beating myself up about it, or actually doing something about it, I know which is better.

Things to note
I’m not a huge juice person, sometimes i’ll have it if I go out for brunch but that’s it, lately I’ve been having juices a lot. i need to cut it out for now. The only juice I do have a bit more of in winter is a spirulina based juice that helps me kick colds - No cold last year! So yeah I can have those if need be.

Cake is not too much of an issue at the moment, if I bake now I just take it in and offload it at work. I really like baking, and like to bake for others.

I need to make my lunch and take it in, it’s really not that hard. And it does not take that much time out of my day. Plus it’s really good for my wallet as well as my waistline.

So there you have it, I’m back. Remember me? :-)

one last time*

2011-02-05T22:51:00.000+13:00

I think this will be my last epic former relationship milestone day for a while, it would have been our anniversary, and I think on top of all the bad news i've had in a two week period, this day whilst I thought I would get through unscathed, has me teared up, but that's life it happens, i just wish it still wouldn't hurt as much, because i'm nice and all that, and i like people to like and love me, and yeah it hurts when that kind of runs out without any notice, and i feel stupid, get hurt. I've got my awesome support crew going, and that has helped so much.

Please understand I never intended for my little blog to get so meh for this long, i'm pretty upbeat most of the time, and I've always see the glass as half full, and i still do. And I realise people go through a lot worse, trust me i do.

I've made plans, epic and awesome ones, I promise there is sunshine coming soon, even if it's artificial :-)

Thanks for listening x

*look there will probably another sans breakup post, it's my blog - and if you knew the back story well... ;-)

Other items of note

This post may not make any sense, it's hard to write with glasses on and cry, and see.

This is not a pity post :-)

I'm having pancakes for brunch tomorrow, because I damn well want them!

making sense

2011-02-01T18:46:00.000+13:00

I'm slowly getting back my mojo, i'm tracking (2 days so far!) and trying to identify what it is I want to eat. Like today, after doing speed work, all I wanted was salty chips, when in fact it was just salt, and the hummus in my lunch roll filled that need nice and fast, without the added calories!

I almost decided to pull out of my half marathon in the next few weeks because I felt undertrained, fat, and just didn't believe in myself. I had a chat with my trainer about my holiday feast woe, and he said not to stress about it, it's life, you know, you get off course, and you get back on, and i'm ready to get back on. Plus I think I just need some race accomplishment, the last one (you know the marathon) was such a mixed set of emotions, that it's still really a blur. And this upcoming one, even though only half the distance seems much harder to complete, because the adrenalin and sheer emotional exhaustion keeping me running (doesn't make sense, but it does) got me across the finish line. Also I got dumped the day after my last half marathon, so I just need to do this. I think I may be slow, but I'm just going put the time aside, I have to run this for me, I really do.

I'm slowly starting to feel better, other things are happening, my beloved Nan has been diagnosed with Alzheimers, this amazing woman raised me, it's so sad. So this week, I'm just trying to focus again, being kind to myself, and also keeping a bit busy too with the spare time I have.

I also need to sort my bedroom out, and my flat. Whilst it's tidy, it could be tidier. My room, that's another story!

What you need!

2011-01-20T23:17:00.001+13:00

I've been angry all week, it toned down a bit today. I went to bed earlier than usual last night, and got a decent amount of sleep, it helped, alot. On the way to work this morning I was so tired, really tired, and drained - but then you know I have not been looking after myself. I went from trying to be gentle to myself post break up and looking after myself in all aspects, including making sure I got plenty of good food and fresh air and exercise to the complete opposite since the marathon really. Yes I needed the rest for a while, but not the damaging way I punished myself in the past couple of months.

And then I realised, dude, you ran a marathon about 6 weeks after everything went to shite, and you did two jobs whilst doing that, along with trying to be busy every other waking moment.

This will be SO much easier, I did all that, and because I did that I can do this. I can look after myself better, and put myself first.

I promised myself that I wouldn't rant to much about my post breakup woes but, you know it's still hurting, so you guys will just have to deal with it a little while longer, now and then, a rant here and there.

I feel like saying sorry, but I'm not, it's just my life at the moment, and it's not woe is me. It's just hard, and it will get better.

Full Bloom

2011-01-19T22:47:00.000+13:00

Dear Lovely Readers,

I'm having an angry week. I don't get angry. But I am. It's all to do with the breakup and dealing with it, or not. Or dealing with it by eating way too much shite, and ignoring the fact that I have put on weight at an alarming rate.

This makes me angry. Because the young woman who would have by now, at least starting cutting some crap out and moving more, just can't seem to get out of this funk.

It's hard people. And no, it's not meant to be easy I know that.

I just want to eat, and fill the giant void. It's freaking huge this void. I fill it with time to think, travel plans, work, more plans, more work, some running, but still the void remains to same size.

I think maybe if I just focus any remaining energy on weight loss that would help, you know, make me feel better about myself and what I can do.

I need to find some balance, I'm exhausted, my mind is spinning, and I've never been so emotionally tired ever, nor have I eaten this much crap in such a short space of time, nor drank so much...people I'm not a huge drinker. It's not cool.

At least I have identified the problem, filling the void via food.

But what now, what do I concentrate on, without making myself more tired, but more emotionally zen!

Argh, this is so annoying.

I want my life back, I want me back!

Loose ends - the week that was

2011-01-16T21:25:00.000+13:00

I booked tickets to Japan during the week for my 30th in August.

I applied for all my clearance documents that I need for a working holiday visa.

I worked out my running plan for the year.

I decided to finish my thesis this year.

I tracked my food, and exercise - even though my eating was all over the place.

I'm really happy with all I've decided to do and plan.

I have other ideas too, but you'll just have to wait :-)

The night before

2011-01-09T22:32:00.000+13:00

I went to the beach, swam, ran, drank beer, ate tapas, toured about, ate gelato, read three books, listened to music, shopped and soaked up the sun, humidity and company.

It was just what I needed, and need to do more of!

And now, I'm back, and my housemates are back too and we are all back at work tomorrow. I've packed my lunch, my gym gear, and remembered to put my work pass in my bag. It's like the first day of school, without the fun part.

Holiday Time

2011-01-02T23:29:00.000+13:00

I'm heading away tomorrow morning, for a week in the sun (well hopefully). I need to get out of town, out of my usual surroundings, and just try and relax a little. The past week has been up and down, and well just plain hard, try as I might to put a positive spin on things, well it doesn't work sometimes. That's what happens when you take time off, you have nothing to do, then you start thinking, start remembering, and start facing everything that happened. Before I think I had been too busy (on purpose) to think about it.

This year, above all, I'm just going to be kind and gentle to myself. If that means eating better, taking up new hobbies, traveling, not finding solace in alcohol or indeed any form of chocolate. i just need to be gentle whilst I heal, and it isn't going to happen overnight, I now realise that.

I signed back up to weight watchers late last week, determined to stay follow the plan until I get to goal in a healthy way. Today I went shopping, and bought much needed new clothes, and shoes, including trail runners, and painted my runners toes so I could wear my new sandals.

Tomorrow I fly away, and I hope that when I land back, I'll be a bit more centred and ready to handle what this year brings me.

See you guys in a week!

xx

Back To The Mat

2011-01-01T23:12:00.000+13:00

I had initially planned to write the usual New Years resolution post today, but I didn't really have the time, maybe I'll work on a series of posts about what's in store for me this year. But for today, it's all about the mat.

I have not done a lot of yoga before, i've mainly taken Bikram, and other forms of hot yoga, and both I have enjoyed. I would like to work towards having a more regular practice, whether it's heated or not, and just to try different types. I really enjoyed the class this afternoon, a 90 minutes Bikram session with a friend on New Years Day, it was hot (yes really) but I also forgot how good it felt just to be back on the mat, and not thinking about anything else except my breathing and the what the teacher was saying.

I had to sit down for a few poses, just to adjust to the heat, as post New Years Eve, I was finding it a bit much. I also was aware that I can't do a lot of the poses I used to be able to, but that comes with practice, and patience!

I'm heading back for another class tomorrow. Today when we finished and I lay down on the mat I closed my eyes and smiled. Like running, yoga and I kind of fit amongst the rush of everything else around me, now I just have to find some time when I go back to work to practice!

Fitter than the rest

2010-12-26T21:18:00.002+13:00

When I think about it, the fittest I was speed wise, was around this time last year, and I kind of peaked again in February just before the bays run. My fitness was steady for most of the year with all the running, and my endurance improved out of site, but my speed dropped off. I ate more, ran more, ate more. Don't get me wrong I didn't run more so I could eat, I just let more 'treats' slip in, and after years of having very little cheese, or alcohol (completely by choice and quite happily) I introduced them both back in, with zest, especially the alcohol...not to an excessive amount, but I went from zero, to pumping extra sugar that I didn't need as I didn't decrease anything else.

The last month, I've been a bit of a glutton, Christmas parties, nights out, dinners, drinks, the absence of packed lunch, missed gym sessions. It's not bad, I have no guilt, but my hair is limp, my face breaks out a bit, and my sleep pattern has gone haywire. That said, the last few months have not been easy, trying to live without someone that was best friend in the world, working insane hours and now I'm in the process of making some rather large life changing decisions - the best is yet to come.

I've got epic but fun plans for 2011, stay tuned and enjoy the ride...

Merry Merry

2010-12-25T22:44:00.003+13:00

To you and to yours!

How ever you spend this time, enjoy.

xx

When did that happen?

2010-12-05T22:08:00.003+13:00

I've been rather busy these last few months, filling time, two jobs, making new friends, running and planning for next year.

Planning for next year?
I never used to understand why endurance runners or just people who enjoyed races in general used to plan a year in advance. Now I do. You need to train for these events, not get injured, don't over train, book flights, budget, incorporate your work life, and the rest of your personal life. It's fun, but it's also quite strange, for me to be planning solidly that far ahead.

So far 2011 looks like this

Jan
5.5km forest race, aka the Lance project.

Feb
Half Marathon

April
Marathon

June
Half Marathon

July/August
Planning for trip to Japan - for the big 3.0

October
Marathon

December
Have a white christmas

Unless some super cool race comes up, that is all I am doing next year, and yes, I know that is plenty. 2011 will be the year of the runner, it will also be the year of putting myself first in more ways than one.

I've been so busy, the 80+ hour work weeks are taking a toll, I normally only ever take the stat holiday over the Christmas break, but no this year I'm taking a full two weeks off work. I cannot wait. In the next few weeks my priorities are going to change for the better.

Coping mechanisms

2010-11-09T19:27:00.000+13:00

In no order…

Spend your time with nice people, and nice people only. Spending some of your new found spare time, with people that make you happy, and are happy will generally make the whole more experience slightly more bearable. I have little tolerance for toxic people, and at the moment I have no tolerance for them at all.

Talk to people, whether it’s a friend or a counselor. Talk about what happened, random stuff, and what you plan on doing next – don’t worry if you are not sure, I’m still not, but I have a list of all sorts of things, from hiking across Spain to redesigning my blog, and learning to make cheese. Random, but helpful.

Get a second job – mine has been a godsend, as a time filler, extra money earner, and also to meet to people. It’s only a short term thing, but I can see myself being stronger once I finish. Obviously you can choose other things to fill your time with, it just happened that we broke up the night I started the job!

Delete your ex of FB, it doesn’t have to be forever, but for now, do it. I didn’t to it until after I finished the marathon, but am glad I did. For now, I’d rather my life to be private, not that there is anything exciting happening. But for now, it’s what I need as I do spend a bit of time on there.

Be kind. To others, but also yourself. I could spend a lot of time and have wondering why this happened, and if I deserved it, and if I wasn’t worth it – and it doesn’t solve anything. Instead I am trying just to be nice to people, as I would normally do, and not beat myself about something that wasn’t my choice. I’ve treated myself to a facial, a massage, and just things I normally wouldn’t have made time to do. I’m worth it.

Cry. When you need to. It feels awful, but better after.

Run a marathon.

And be yourself. It’s their loss.

The week that was...

2010-11-07T21:51:00.003+13:00

Image from here

I've had a pretty easy rest week, you know, resting. I'm back at the gym tomorrow, just stretching out on the foam roller - no medium-high impact workouts for another week or two. So for now it will just be foam roller, stretching, swimming, yoga, and some weight sessions. My legs whilst not sore anymore, are still quite tired, it's hard to explain.

I also had a 90 minute massage on friday, painful, but good. I need to start taking magnesium, and start soaking in epsom salts regularly. All in all, given I ran a marathon a week ago (I still can't believe it!) I feel pretty good.

Race Report - Marathon

2010-11-02T20:59:00.012+13:00

Maybe make a cup of tea first?

I flew from Wellington to Auckland around lunchtime on Friday. It’s only a one hour flight, and it was a stunning sunny day in Auckland when I landed. I took the airport shuttle in and checked into my hotel and then walked into town for a bite to eat and then wandered around the waterfront to collect my race pack, no queues! I picked up a stack of race pamphlets and spoke to a few people, but I really just wanted to get out, it was very surreal but at the same time I remember feeling ‘what I am doing here?’

I headed back to my hotel and laid out all the stuff, and checked everything. I dediced to head to the supermarket and pick up some more carbs and things for Saturday and then I just spent the night in bed watching a movie and ordered some room service.

Saturday I got up early, I had slept okay the night before, but not great. I headed to a great little cafe and had some oats and tea, and then headed back to the hotel, to rest. I had intended to go to a movie but really just wanted to stay off my feet. I had some lunch later on, ate carbs, alot and kept up with my hydration. I headed off later to a last minute trip to the chest for some imodium and nurofen (just in case) and some extra blister tape and then I went and got some pasta for dinner, and a glass of wine.

I tried to get to sleep early but I reckon in total I had about three hours sleep. I got up around 3am and I had everything laid out, so I just had to boil the kettle for my oats, and have a shower, get dressed etc. I was overly organised, even for me. It paid off. I had issues with my new bra unhooking at the strap, so ended up taping it and wearing my other one over the top - that worked very well! I headed out the door at 4am and walked to the ferry terminal - as it was halloween there were alot of people out in full costume which was brilliant, I think both groups thought the others were crazy.

The ferry left at 4.30 and arrived at Devonport very soon after, ha. So I sat in the ferry terminal and waited, ate my banana and honey sandwich (the time went very quickly) I went to the bathroom and then it was time to drop my gear bag and do my warm up.

The start was great, I did have a funny little cramp in my calf, which I think may have just been because it was cool. It vanished after 5km. Thank goodness because I kind of freaked out about it to begin with. I reminded myself that I was not to go out too fast and that I was running my own race, and that was that. We headed along the water and then through the streets it was a little bit hilly, but not too bad, there is hill before the bridge but it was steady, and nothing like Wellington!

Running over the bridge was better than I expected, the half marathoners had caught up with me, and I kept having to slow down, and it was too easy to pace them. It didn’t help when people yelled out ‘not far to go’ when I had another 20 odd km, but hey, it happens. I think at this point I started thinking ‘oh why didn’t i just do the half!’. But that feeling didn’t last long.

I split off from the half marathoners when they went to finish and headed out of the city and along the bays, my hydration was going well and my half marathon split was around 3:11. As I headed along the bays people were returning back into finish, very fast people, and very cramped people. It was hot and there was little shade, my back started to stiffen, and I slowed down, alot. I was wary that if I sped up it would get worse, so I kept going, just slowly and kept up the hydration. The turn around point for the 32km mark, did seem to take FOREVER. I was so happy to hit it, and turn around and only have a 10km run back into the city. I looked at my watch and the timing was looking tight, really tight. I sped up, alot. So much so in the last 5km I passed three guys! I had enough energy to run faster, it was just with the heat and my back (more so the heat) I did not WANT to cramp! And I didn’t. As soon as I saw the city scape, I knew I would finish under cut off, and kept up my pace.

The last few kms were awesome, random people cheering me (that happened the whole way, cars beeping, it was BRILLIANT!). It was very surreal, I knew I was about to accomplish something freakin amazing, and at the same time I could not believe! I crossed over the finish line and turned around and congratulated another girl that was about ten seconds behind me. We both went and picked up our banana and drink, and took off our timing chips. Then two of the most amazing volunteers ever, came around the corner jumping up and down to put our medals on us, this is when the other girl broke down, and I’ll admit I cried, just a little. It felt SO good.

Because I had finished so close to the cut off, the massage folk were already packing up :-( So I wandered about, and went and picked up my gear bag and then headed back along the waterfront. I heard my name called out and one of the girls that I had met through twitter was having a post race wine asked me to join her and her friend (they were SO nice!). So I had a wine, got a high five from the waiter, and then headed back via a tiny Japanese noodle house, and devoured an entire noodle bowl, and then headed back to hotel for a shower and sprawled out on the bed amazed at what I had just done.

I joined the girls for dinner on the viaduct later, I had steak and chips. We then walked to watch some fireworks for a festival, and headed for gelato. It was an epic day and brilliant evening!

I think it has only just hit as to what I've accomplished. Given the last few weeks, it a freakin miracle! And i'm SO proud!

Time: 6:55.15 (I'm going to CRUSH this time next time).
1st 21.1km split 3:07.45
2nd 21.1km split 3:47.29

WIN!

2010-11-01T21:43:00.003+13:00

Race report to come, people I'm tired! :-)

The Plan

2010-10-29T09:23:00.002+13:00

1. Finish
2. Finish under 6 hours
3. Finish near 5.45
4. Finish on 5.30 (if this happens, woah! :-) )

Wish me luck!

xx

The race is on Sunday, and I fly out today and then come back on Monday afternoon. Will try and post something on Sunday after the race!

Playlist

2010-10-28T23:37:00.002+13:00

I don't run with music (since bootcamp) but I have made a mini play list for the last 10km if need be! Possibly the most random choices ever, but seriously folks, whatever keeps me going!

In no order...

I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me) - George Michael and Aretha Franklin
Fake - Simply Red
Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac
Living On A Prayer - Bon Jovi
Love is Noise - The Verve
Lose Yourself - Eminem
INXS - New Sensation
Viva La Vida - Coldplay
Sometimes It's A Bitch - Stevie Nicks
Teenage Dream - Katy Perry
Firestarter - Prodigy
Electric Dream - Shapeshifter
Beautiful Day -U2

I'll do a little pre race report tomorrow before I head off!

You cannot be serious

2010-10-27T19:29:00.003+13:00

Half way through a meeting this afternoon I clicked. Everyone else in the office cold, me? toasting, almost too warm, my body ached, I was unusually tired but put it down to training, and everything over the past month or so. Then someone mentioned they were off last week with a cold, then the girl that sits next to me started sounding off this afternoon.

I may be coming down with something, but I am determined NOT to get it until after I finish. Since working out that all was not well, I've been on a vitamin c, spirulina juice feast. Normally I would add garlic and I might do that just for tonight, but it plays havoc with my gut, so really the garlic can just be tonight. And plenty of ginger water, oh an lots of fluids, and REST.

I've never trained for a marathon before, I seriously put it down to that. Myabe next time I should be a bit more aware!

If you have any remedies, please comment! And send me all your positive vibes!!!

You know what?

2010-10-25T22:30:00.002+13:00

I had a very sleepy long weekend, I think I slept more than anything else. My body and mind are clearly worn out from the past several weeks of upheaval and general emotional blah. I slept, and slept, and slept some more. Today I went for a massage, and then went and had eggs and coffee, I forced myself to be outside in the semi sunlight until I was ready to head home.

And I opened my emails to something rather unexpected. The person that originally got me into running when I was in Melbourne and who years ago planted the marathon seed in my head, had taken the time to email me to wish me luck. He didn't need to, but he did. It was one of the nicest and thoughtful emails I have ever received. It made my day, actually it made more than my day, it made me genuinely happy and confident for the first time in weeks.

And you know what?

I'm ready.

Marathon Prep Part One (kind of)

2010-10-23T15:44:00.002+13:00

I’m currently in a frenzy of organisation and planning for next weekend. I want to make sure I have every form, fuel item, clothing item that I need planned out in advance. So I don’t leave anything here. I’ll also be wearing my running shoes on the plane, and carrying any gear I need on the day in my carry-on bag. Can you imagine the lists? Packing, on the plane, fuel, race day gear, ferry gear ARGH!

I leave for Auckland on Friday mid morning, and it’s only an hour flight. So once I land and check into my hotel, I plan on heading out to get my race pack and then head back to the hotel and organise it all out, then just relax. I intend to sleep well on Friday so at least there is one night of solid sleep.

On Saturday I don’t plan on doing much as I will need to be well rested, so no walking ages around town. I’m thinking of heading to a movie, or two. Make sure I am eating enough. It will be a really early night, so I’ll get up early on . As I write this I’m more excited than nervous, but also anxious. Yes I would love to have 5 hours something in total for the run, but you know, the aim is to finish, that’s it.

My trainer came back with the following about my food plan
That all looks pretty good, maybe make sure that your 'pee' is clear, and thats a good sign that your hydrated!! (Yeah I don’t want to be having nasty hydration issues next weekend, and it’s been a little problem before!)
Don't try anything different a couple of days before, it's the wrong time...so stick with what foods make you feel good.

I also do need to eat more food when I am in Auckland – thanks Kate! So you know, I can run.

I’m up to $615 for my fundraising efforts! Awesome.

Rant of the week
Bendon, why on can you not make a decent sports bra for running, seriously! Yes racing straps are great, but maybe you could take a second look at the design so ONE person can put it on, without the need for assistance. As such I will now be saving for an Enell. Meanwhile if anyone has any tips for getting bra with a racing strap on without assistance – let me know. Sigh.

Friday Foto

2010-10-22T22:31:00.000+13:00

Marathon Week Meal Plan - HELP!

2010-10-21T19:09:00.005+13:00

I probably should have thought about this before, but still a little stuck about what to eat all next week, before the race. During the race – all that I have sorted! Most of the advice has been not have too much fat, and drop the fibre intake. I’ve listed my meal plans from tonight to the night before the marathon. If anyone thinks I should add anything, take anything out please comment!

Tonight Dinner – left over falafel with vegies and pasta
Friday Breakfast – oats w milk and banana
Mid morning snack – apple and handful of nuts
Lunch – Turkey, carrot, sprout, and avocado sandwich on white bread
Dinner – Eggs on toast (with spinach)

Saturday Breakfast – oats w milk and banana
Mid morning snack – apple and handful of nuts
Lunch – Turkey, spinach, hummus and cheese sandwich on white bread
Dinner – Steak with vegies (potato, carrots, broccoli and beans) with pasta

Sunday Pre 16km run oats with milk and berries and jelly snakes along the way
Post run brunch – eggs on toast with spinach or home made pancakes /depend on whether I am craving salt post run – this is the norm.
Late lunch – Will probably be out somewhere – maybe a salad, soup
Dinner - Steak with vegies (potato, carrots, broccoli and beans) with pasta

Monday Breakfast – oats w milk and banana
Mid morning snack – grapes and a handful of nuts
Lunch – Turkey, spinach, hummus and cheese sandwich on white bread
Dinner – Meat with potato, carrots, and pasta

Tuesday Breakfast – oats w milk and banana
Mid morning snack – grapes and a handful of nuts
Lunch – Turkey, spinach, hummus and cheese sandwich on white bread
Dinner – Meat with potato, carrots, and pasta

Wednesday Breakfast – oats w milk and banana
Mid morning snack – grapes and a handful of nuts
Lunch – Turkey, spinach, hummus sandwich on white bread
Dinner – pasta bake with tuna, carrots, potato, and white pasta

Thursday Breakfast – oats w milk and banana
Mid morning snack – grapes and a handful of nuts
Lunch – Turkey, spinach, hummus sandwich on white bread
Dinner – pasta bake with tuna, carrots, potato, and white pasta

Friday Breakfast – toast with vegemite (I get motion sickness so will be lucky to have the toast)
Lunch – somewhere in Auckland – a sandwich, with fruit and maybe a chocolate or something.
Dinner – an Italian place in Auckland – pasta

Saturday Breakfast – toast and oats
Lunch – out somewhere in Auckland – sandwich?
Dinner – You guessed it, pasta!
I think I’ll need to eat more this day, but not sure what, and when.

I'll also be sending this off to my trainer so will be interesting to see what he has to say too. I'll report back!

***FUNDRAISING UPDATE***

I've raised $560 so far for the NZ Heart Foundation. If you can spare a few $$ to help me reach my target of $1000 that would be awesome! Even if you are overseas - have you seen the NZ exchange rate? - it's a bargain for a great cause! Click here to donate!

Days like these

2010-10-16T15:17:00.000+13:00

Can you guys tell it’s been one of those weeks? I’m so glad it’s finally over. And I’m glad I don’t feel angry and grumpy anymore. But I still feel sad. Look I don’t want this to turn into a break-upesque blog, but please be patient. I’m an intensely private and shy person. With the majority of my friends overseas. I just need a space now and again to think and write, and know that it’s going somewhere, and by all means comment away, please. Trust me, I have a marathon coming up in almost two weeks, there will be running updates, and all that. So I am sorry if I am boring you all to death!

This week I’ve tried a bit not to fill every waking moment with something, so I still have time for me. I plan to do that a lot more over the coming weeks, I don’t want to think about it, but I need to, and I need to fill the huge void with nice events and nice people and make some new friends, but also fill it with my time, as well it is now all my time – this is sooo strange. Soon enough I’m sure it will fill me with excitement, for now, not so much, just confusion. I thought we would be together forever, and I didn’t see this coming.

Today, during my break I went home and packed up and gave all the stuff we had bought to move in together with back to my ex. I cried. I got yelled at, and realized I didn’t recognize the person standing in front of me anymore and that was heartwrenching. And somewhere in the middle, a tiny part of me, let go. It was small, but significant enough for me to want to try and drag myself out of the hole I’ve hid in for the past few weeks and reach out a bit. And to try and find myself again amongst the ruins.

I have got a lot of plans whirling around in my head, dreams that I stopped thinking about, dreams that I want to think about. And choices and decisions I need to now make for me, and no one else. I need to remember and remind myself that I had really no control over the choice that someone else made. No matter what I do, I can’t change it, and I can’t change myself to fit to someone, anymore.

Next post, let’s go running, yeah?

xx

what dreams are made of

2010-10-13T23:23:00.003+13:00

and something to work towards, think of, ponder, then do, in time.

Hanoi, Vietnam ~ live, drink coffee, cook.
Greek Islands ~ swim, eat cheese, more swimming, sun.
Spain ~ learn Spanish in Barcelona for a month and spend another 5 or so weeks walking the entire length of the Camino de Santiago.
Mongolia ~ ride a horse, hang out in a yurt, lay out under the stars.
Paris ~ for my 30th.
Japan ~ teach english, live in Kyoto, Tokyo.
New York ~ New York.
Alaska ~ for Kate

What would you add?

as she unravels

2010-10-11T20:34:00.003+13:00

I ran 30.6 km, yesterday, so stoked about that. You have NO idea. Now it's taper time, my body is looking forward to a lull, then the big day.

Today, not so good. Got up headed to the gym did lots of stretching and foam roller work after the run yesterday, headed to work.

Open email.

Email from ex.

We had bought tickets to see Sting next year, I offered to buy the other ticket a week or two back, if they didn't want to go anymore.

The email was fine, no drama, nothing.

And then it hit me.

They really are not going to change their mind.
You can't change their mind.
It's over.
Still hoping.
Oh Lucinda, it's really over.

And then the tears came down, and down, and down.
Work mate came to check on me, offered to take me out for a cup of tea, all I needed was a cup of tea and a bit of a chat to calm down, and just concentrate on my work. Not this.

Boss, steps in. No go. Go home.

Everyone heads to meeting, workmate tries to convince boss, that twenty minutes and a cup of tea, that I will be fine, and I need to be around people. And that given what's happened, and I've kept up with my work, am even ahead, I need the company, and not to be alone.

Boss, says no.

I go home.

I get drenched in the rain, and even though it's a ten minute walk home, I don't rush, and get even more drenched. I get home, take off my wet clothes, and just sit on my bed and silent tears stream down my face. I run a hot bath, and soak in it, for what seems like an eternity, and I cry some more. It all just hits, and reality sets in, hard.

It's hard, I'd like to be able to talk about everything in more detail, but for now, I can't. One day, it may make sense and I may be able to spill the beans so to speak. It's not torrid, nothing like that at all.

It's just sad.

Eye on the Prize

2010-10-08T22:27:00.002+13:00

I've been thinking I should get myself something special after finishing the marathon, just for me, not a massage (as I will HAVE to have one of those, but something I can keep.

Like a yoga mat.

But I'm open to suggestions!

Time Ghosts

2010-10-07T19:03:00.001+13:00

If you have not already figured out, I’m working two jobs at the moment. Yes people, I know. I’m still at my normal full time job, and I have picked up second job in an old trade I am good at for three months (not that old trade). Current work schedule looks like this:

Monday to Friday
8am-4.45pm first job
5pm-8pm second job
Saturday
9-6pm second job
Sunday
Lucinda time! (currently taken up with looong marathon training runs, and recovery!)

I’m busy, and it’s good (given the break up), lots of time to keep busy and keep my mind off things. But also alot of time to think about what I want to do, when I don’t have second job anymore, and just what I want to do in general.

I’m trying to focus on just me, and that is great. I’ve fallen back in love with Sunday time, doing grocery shopping after work so it does not take up my weekend free time, experimenting with new foods, getting back into the theatre and random events around town, saying yes to catch up with friends new and old, thinking about future sporting events, working hard with my trainer, and just enjoying the present as much as I can, and trying not to overthink the past few weeks to much.

My food diary of the last few days showed up a few things, I’m not eating enough for the amount I’m running, even if I have an extra serve of carbs with dinner and snack a bit more I should see a difference. Plus my trainer wants me to have a ‘relax’ day once a week, and I can slack of a bit. I do tend to get rather regimented and repetitive with my eating. Plus I don’t really drink, and the only thing I do drink besides water is juice with spirulina added about once a fornight, if that.

The stangest thing that has happened is that my sweet tooth has gone, we think it’s to do with my electrolytes being out – all those crazy salt cravings. That’s all I’m craving now, salt. Who knew!

The long run

2010-10-05T18:50:00.001+13:00

I’ve been quite grumpy today, I think it’s just stress and being overtired. The only time I’ll ever get snarky with anyone is if I have not had enough sleep, or if it’s humid – seriously, if it’s humid and you see me, stay away people.

This week is my biggest mileage week before the marathon, from Monday I taper down until the big day. It’s great because the excitement is now overtaking the self doubt and fear of the past week or two. Hurrah! Plus my trainer told me I’d be fine, and we are working on a game plan this week, and sorting out any kinks.

Hydration – it’s becoming clear I don’t run well in the heat. I’m Australian for goodness sake! So I’m concentrating on increasing my hydration in during the week. I currently drink about 8 tall glasses of water, but I really need to push it up with the exercise, will see how I go.

Nutrition – It’s good. I’m sending my trainer my food diary for the next three days so he can see if I am fuelling correctly. I’m worried with ww, as I don’t want to under eat at all with the amount of running I’m doing, that would be stupid, and frankly dangerous. So we will see, I may just need a bit more fuel. I’m not undereating by any means, but my portion sizes have dropped with ww. I lost .9 this week!

I’m also going to trial a new fuel source whilst running, white bread with banana and honey, cut up into bite size pieces. Hopefully it won’t play havoc with my stomach! I love my jelly snakes, but I need some variety.

Other kinks – Not many, my calf muscles are rather tight, but then they always have been, but I need to stretch them more. And my shoulders are a bit sore, from slouching as I fatigue. So today at training we went over some floor work to help with that.

I’m still rather unsure about time goals. I’m aiming to finish, and make the cut off time, for getting onto the bridge and also getting off, oh and actually making it to the finish! Currently I’m thinking 5 hours something – but I have no idea really, and I’m not that fussed, I just want to finish.

Emotionally I’m having a bit better week this week, Sunday night was tears etc. But I’m starting to plan small things, and just enjoying time to do whatever I want, when I’m not running, or at work, which well, leaves Sunday afternoon/evening, and at the moment, that’s just fine.

The Food Blog Mini War

2010-10-04T20:44:00.002+13:00

I read a real mix of blogs, some weight loss, some triathlon/ironman/running, writing ones, and a few food ones. I am a slack with comments, and I just tend to write as I think. I'm not after followers, or fans. Most people that read here, know me from way back in blogland, some are new, some may never comment. But I appreciate them all none the less. I've made friends in real life, and other sorts of friends. I'm pretty easy to get along with, and if you don't like me that's cool too. You know a rant is coming, don't you...

Bloggers make an impression, whether they like it or not. No matter how small or big you are. I've got awesome tips from blogs, made friends, and been yes jealous when someone gets sponsored freebies to keep all the time. Would I like a food processor, a brand spanking new race bike, and loads of healthy free food to eat - HELL YES. I think I even asked for shoes a whilst back, got nothing, which was expected. It's not my market, I don't even have a market!

I'm not a brand, I'm me.

I'm 29, I work two jobs, I run slowly, and I go to weight watchers, I just got dumped and I'm a cancer survivor. And there are so many people like me.

Do what you want with your blog, brand it, market it, get all the free stuff you want. But DO NOT complain about getting a raw deal out of an article, that yes implied not so great things, but also hit the nail on the head so to speak.

I review stuff I buy, that's it. I used to run in Asics, then Brooks, now Adidas - because that's what I was fitted for. I bought my fuel belt, my heart rate monitor, and powerade doesn't upset my stomach. I'm not brand loyal.

You have influence, but you also need to have some integrity, and remember your blog should be about passion, not about product. Please remember that.

The link to the a blog mentioning the article is here

There are other implications in the article which are a bit terse, but I can see how the conclusion could be reached.

And I'm ranting about it because, I can.

Rant over :-)

Hearts & Tea

2010-09-28T23:58:00.002+13:00

After I finished work tonight, a mutual friend came around for a cup of tea, and brought along a packet of tim tams. We split, no guilts, nothing. I've got just over 100km to run this week, and for once I'm not going to beat myself up over food, and I'll make sure the points even out too.

It was good just to talk, and hang out, and cry - when I get through a day without crying, you guys will know about it first! I'm trying to remain positive, but you are going to get a few woe is me posts in the months ahead. I'm trying to work through it, and not find fault

I'm trying to find the light.

- Time is now my own, like ALL the time. I was never restricted, but I just chose happily to spend most of my time with them. Hello free time, and reconnecting with people, and just doing whatever I want.

- I don't have to buy any extra snack type things when grocery shopping, or wine. I can now spend that spare money on a beer, or a magazine, or more fruit. In saying that, if anyone intends to be a semi-regular house guest I'll always try and have something you like in the cupboard - as I generally keep all my snack stuff at work. I try and be a good host like that.

- I don't have to tidy my room, lol. No really, I do. But it doesn't need to be so neat!

- I can look more closely at going vegetarian or vegan, I just need to get through those sausages and steak in the freezer first...

- I can focus on me more, and put myself first.

It's not much but it's somewhere to start, there are lots of shite things, which I could list, but I won't. It's not going to do me or anyone any good.

I'm super busy at the moment which is great, I've got a second job for three months, and until the end of October it's all marathon marathon. I know I'll keep up with the running after the marathon, but I'm looking forward to incorporating new things too.

Open doors

2010-09-27T21:11:00.002+13:00

Mid morning about two bites into a chocolate croissant, I half yelled out 'RIGHT', and chucked the croissant into the bin. About an hour later, I happily signed back up at Weight Watchers.

It has nothing to do with the breakup - I have been thinking about for a while know, even spoken to shrink man about it.

And I am ready, for real. I want to change, I can change, and I will.

For me.

Filling the Gap

2010-09-25T20:01:00.002+12:00

This week has been a complete blur, and I've tried to fill it with anything possible, work, more work, a facial, cleaning, bought a ticket to the theatre, organising, list writing, more work, running - anything that will not give me time to be still, I'm not ready for that yet. Tomorrow I have to run 32km and I have a much needed massage in the afternoon, and go and buy some flowers to plant. I vacuumed the floor tonight, about half way through I realised that they looked they might have already been done, and my housemate didn't say anything so I could do something, which I was grateful for. I took photos and mementos down, and put them in a box in my wardrobe to sift through later, and I've just now seen some lovely cards across on a little table in my room, ugh.

I had Thursday off work, I wasn't sleeping, and yesterday I sat in my shrinks rooms and had a rather huge melt down about the whole thing. I'm still at a loss to understand what happened. I didn't do anything wrong, at all. I'm trying not to find fault in me or them, but I'm starting to think maybe I wasn't pretty enough, exciting enough, worth it, and that makes things so much worse.

I'm so sad, it's like a lost a limb, it's like I lost myself.

When your light goes out.

2010-09-22T07:02:00.002+12:00

My partner of almost three years and I broke up on Monday night. It was unexpected, sad, and I'm still in a good amount of shock about the whole thing. I feel as if my light went out. I wish I could write more eloquently about the whole thing, but i'm still as expected quite zombiefied about it all.

I'll still be posting, I have a marathon to train for and complete (and now to keep me focussed for a while), but if my posts come across a bit odd over the next few weeks, that's why. And I need all the support I can get!

x

Race Report - Half Marathon - part deux

2010-09-19T18:23:00.003+12:00

Morning
I had a great sleep, I had gone to bed early and pretty much slept straight through until my alarm went off. I had prepped my oats early yesterday and did my trusty combo of oats, little bit of brown sugar and frozen berries. Had a shower and got changed and backed my support bag (jumper, spare snakes, vitamin water that came in my race pack, and another bottle of water.

My best friend came to pick me up around 7.30am and we drove to the course, I was quite nervous. Quiet, any questions, I responded with 'yep', 'nope'.

The day was looking amazing, warm, very warm. I lingered about at the start as we got our pre-race, to be honest, it was a smaller race than last time, and the only thought going through my head was I don't belong here, I'm not fast enough, etc. It was silly, I know, and I realise that, and I soon talked myself out of it, and focussed on the positive - nice weather, nice weather, you have signed up for a marathon, you HAVE to do this race, it's part of your training.

And then the gun went off

Start
I went out steady and probably a bit too fast, but settled into a good rhythm as we ran around the streets and on to the river trail. It was warm, I was well hydrated - but still lived for every drink stop.

River trail out
The trail out wasn't as flat as my bays half, there were a few up and over sections, and because we had had a huge storm, loads of mud on the gravel track sections - my shoes look well worn in now! In hindsight I was going out hard on the way out, I was steady, but a bit too fast, I saw my best friend just before the 10km point, camera in hand, and barked WATER, had a quick chat, a cheer and kept on going. I had heard and when I had mapped the course the night before and it was longer than half distance, and it was become clear when I saw the 10km sign, and didn't hit the official turn point until much later than expected whilst still keeping my pace up. People were coming on their way back, all looking a bit worse for wear, it was odd. But everyone was still happy and I gave out little waves and thank you to people as they cheered me on - that's seriously the best thing about being toward the back, sometime it's like you are at the front.

River trail back

The trail back was for the most part the same, with less mud! And with finally a bit of a cool breeze, I wasn't overheating, but I was very aware of the sun. I picked up my pace a little, and ended up passing 4 people on the way back slow and steady, that was a bonus, having really never passed anyone on my first half outing. It seemed to take ages to get back to town, and that's where I realised it really must have been a longer course, not too long as it was good to get the miles in, but for a half, well you don't want it to be that far out!

Finish
I finally got into town, and knew I would make, but miss a pb, and at that point, given the warmth, the distance, and just the awesome feeling of about the finish my SECOND half, I didn't really care about the time. Which was good, because I came in just around the cut off!

Post race
I headed over to the water and food table, grabbed a banana and muesli bar and some water. Come to think of it, I had the water way to fast. And as we headed to back to car, I started to feel less than flash. I ended up asking my friend to walk me up the stairs to my apartment, and she dropped my gear down, whilst I headed to the bathroom, and was sick. I felt hideous. I actually ended up taking my shoes and socks off, and just laying on my bed, mud and all in my running gear. About twenty minutes later I was sick again, and then I had another rest. I later headed for a shower, I still had pretty bad nausea - and headed back to bed. I didn't emerge until around a couple of hours ago, with a huge craving for chicken noodle soup, and anything with a bit of salt. Three bowls of chicken soup later - literally a chicken stock cube, water, pepper and sea salt. I'm feeling MUCH better! Oh and I had some salt and vinegar rice crisps and a small bowl of steamed vegies. That was all I wanted, my body is now happy, and I have colour in my face!

It was a great race, and I felt fine until afterwards. It has made me aware that I need to work on my nutrition over the next few weeks, and my race nutrition whilst fine, it also needs to be able to work for double the distance. I do not want to be laying in my hotel room in Auckland after my marathon feeling ill!

Any tips, thoughts would be appreciated.

And now comes the half!

2010-09-18T10:18:00.001+12:00

It's almost time for half-marathon part deux! I'm at that point where there are nerves a plenty, but I know I have done it before and I can do it again. I've found it true though, that pressure on my time is on my mind all the time, but I am trying to focus on the same goals as last time.

1. Run all the way, except for drink stops.
2. Finish - actually, that should be number 1!
3. Try and beat my time from the last half of 2:44
4. Try and have a time of 2:3? something.
5. Trainer and Lucinda goal 2:34 (consumption of cake may influence this, ahem!)

Today I just need to pick up my race pack, and do race prep.

I'm nervous in a different way this time, it's different course, out of Wellington, and I still don't feel familiar enough with it, odd I know, it will be supported, but I still fear getting lost. And I must keep properly hydrated, today, and tomorrow.

Wish me luck! :-)

Anything is possible, anything.

2010-09-17T07:21:00.000+12:00

A hearty matter

2010-09-16T21:58:00.004+12:00

In the lead up and during my marathon i'll be raising money for the Heart Foundation. There is a personal reason I chose them as my charity, that I don't normally talk about. But now may be a good time.

My grandfather died suddenly in his late forties, my father the eldest of three boys was 16 when my grandfather died. My grandfather, Richard had complained of chest pain for months on end, and had been to the doctor, they thought it was indigestion, it wasn't. One morning, my Nan went to wake Richard, as he would normally have gotten up by now (she has slept in one of the spare rooms that night - as she had been fighting a cold). So she went in to wake him up, and we wasn't breathing. He had suffered a massive heart attack. My father came into the room, obviously aware that something was wrong, and helped my Nan perform CPR whilst the ambulance arrived, it was no use.

My grandmother was left a widow with three young boys to raise, and she did a brilliant job. Whilst my Dad and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. I understand that day and losing his father so young, would have had a massive impact on his life, as it did for my family. Although I never knew my grandfather, anyone I have ever spoken to about him, adored him, he was well respected in the community, and loved his family. I am sad that I never got to know him, and I wish my Dad would have spoken more about Richard when I was growing up, but it is obviously still very painful, even now.

It is a cause very close to me, and if you have a spare few dollars and would like to donate that would be great. If you would prefer to donate to a charity close to your heart or just do something for someone else if you don't have the spare funds, then please do. Any gesture, financial, or through action would be greatly appreciated.

Donations can be made here

Drum roll, please.

2010-09-14T22:49:00.004+12:00

When I finished my first half back in June, I had a debrief session with my trainer, as you guys know we went over all sorts of things from pace to nutrition, just to see where improvements could be made, and have a chat about the whole experience.

Twelve months ago, I couldn't run for more than about five minutes. I had no idea where to start and although I had walked/half jogged when I lived in Melbourne, I had never, well jogged or ran or god forbid sprinted.

Then along came camp boot. People it was hard, but I LOVED it. Honestly the first week of getting up at 5am was shite, but as a habitual night owl, after a week my body got used to it. And I went to bed early, and I learnt to run, and I fell hard and fast in love with running, and it hasn't stopped.

When we had the debrief session, the plan was and had been previous to that in my mind to do a full marathon in Auckland in October. I had planned to sign up after the half as I wanted to see if I enjoyed the experience etc - trouble was, the race sold out, fast. I couldn't even get a place for the half, and the prices on auction sites were astronomical. And I happily signed up and trained for the half marathon this coming weekend.

Then last night, I had a look at the auction sites, as I knew my trainer would ask me post half marathon what was next...

Tickets were available, and they were not at the astronomical prices of a few months back. So I bought one!

On October 31st, I'm running the Auckland Marathon and raising money for the Heart Foundation!

:-)

You'll never guess...

2010-09-13T23:33:00.001+12:00

Oh guys, I just did something, something HUGE!

:-D

Future: imagined.

2010-09-12T19:53:00.003+12:00

I'd be happier in myself, a lot happier. I think of all the things that would change, mainly the aesthetic things. I'd look healthier, I'd have tone, I'd be able to buy well fitted, stylish and affordable clothes. My heart would work easier, i'd run faster, so much faster. I'd feel sexier, more vibrant and I guess a lot more alive, like I was actually living, and not sitting in neutral. I'd be able to swim faster, and actually contemplate seriously doing an iron man not just having it as a pipe dream. I'd be able to trail run without worrying about doing my ankles, my back would feel better, i'd feel better. I'd be so different, and I'd have no fear. I believe I am capable of anything, anything but this. I want to lead that life, not this one. I'd be happier. I'd be me.

The Last Weekend

2010-08-29T10:54:00.003+12:00

I can't believe it's the last weekend of winter, it has gone so fast! I think training for the first half marathon through winter made go by quicker, and that will be the same plan for next year. That said, it's pouring with rain at the moment and I'm planning to head to off to a movie later today, but I may end up staying in if it keeps up like this!

I'm really excited about spring being so close, and even more so about summer. I think it's just the extra kick in the arse I need!

AND! I pb'd in my 5km this last week too...34.11 YEAH!

Long Run - Short Nutrition

2010-08-23T19:44:00.003+12:00

I got up early on Sunday to head for my long run - 19km! I toasted some whole meal bread, and added some pb. I grabbed some sports drink to put in my backpack as I wanted to make sure I was hydrated enough and headed out. It was a really nice morning, I ran along the waterfront, and got into my rhythm once I hit the bays. I paced myself and it was an easy run, until just before the airport, and almost half way. My stomach started playing up, I thought to myself I could make the half way point, about 500 metres away and then head back (via the closest bathroom!), but about six steps later, I knew I needed to turn back asap.

I made it the the bathroom, back along the bay. The toast had not agreed with me at all. But I had used it as fuel before a run, as I walked for a bit, just to make sure all was okay. I realised that yeah I had eaten toast before runs before, but only short runs. HUGE MISTAKE! But a valuable lesson learned. For me, and maybe for others some food works for short runs, that doesn't work for long ones. Oats, milk and berries works fine for my long runs - but I had run out of oats. Oh yeah, I'm stocked now! The run back was fine, I took it easy, and beat myself up about it a little. But I'm glad learned the lesson now, and not on race day.

It was a pretty busy workout weekend, I also did 3 x 1 hour spin classes back to back on Saturday morning for charity! Needless to say, I was quite tired Sunday afternoon people!

What do you eat before you run?

When Things Just Work

2010-08-17T22:09:00.003+12:00

I had my second 5km series race today, I missed last week because I thought I was coming down with something, so I took a stack of vitamins and headed to bed.

Today, in an effort to get myself out of the office during my lunch break, I headed to spin, it was just what I needed, hard, lots of jumps, we gave it our all.

Then a few hours later I had my race. The weather wasn't that great, with a cranky Wellington wind afoot. We set off, and I paced myself, last time I had gone out way too fast, so this time the plan was simple, steady, and pump my arms hard and fast through the wind. I hit the 2.5 mark and turnaround feeling good, and also noticing that on my way back in none of the second wave fast runners had past me yet, which meant I was going faster than the previous race.

I got a light stitch just before I hit the waterfront again, and pushed through the wind hitting me back as fast as I could. The plan was to look at my watch at the turn point, and just near a little bridge on the way back before I hit the straight.

Once I hit the straight I used whatever was left and belted home, which is of course when my jacket tied around my waist started to drop, and drop and hit the ground, about 5 metres before the finish. I kind of stopped, laughed, hauled it back up and plodded over the finish line.

I knew I had done well, when I looked at my watch, and may have set a pb, but had to wait for the results to be posted.

And oh they got posted 34.58!!!!!!!!!! 2.46 less than the last race! and 1.79 off my previous PB.

Oh, and I didn't come last :-)

Time To Get Serious

2010-08-13T21:26:00.003+12:00

Training has been pretty good this winter, training for the half really made it fly by, and it gave me the motivation and self esteem to believe finally that I can do anything I set my mind to. It's still a bumpy road. But I am coming to understand that it's my choice, and mine alone. Maybe that's what turning 30 in twelve months time does to you. Do I want to be healthy fit, and close as possible to goal for part of my twenties? HELL YES!

My endurance is pretty good for my size, I can jog continually for long distance, and get into a good rhythm. I want to get faster, and I know to do this I need to drop my weight, and also go harder in my runs when I need to. My next half is in just over a month, and I have not been as anal about my training as I was last time, especially with speed work. It's time to do all my allocated training, otherwise I'm going to be peeved when I finish and I know I could have done better.

I need to find spring and summer events! I will continue with my running, and plan on doing at least one marathon in 2011. But I also want to get back into my swimming, save up for a bike and give a triathlon a good go. Because when I get to goal and can get half decent times, I really really want to do this.

I'm pretty sure campboot is back on in Spring, and I need to talk to my trainer about that. Truth be told, I don't really want to have that conversation again, incase i'm still too slow etc. I took it quite hard last year. He meant well, I know that! But yeah, kind of sucked!

It will be interesting when I have my next planning session with my trainer after the half. Because I'm pretty sure there will not be any half's for me to do until early next year, so goodness knows what he is thinking. But we've both worked out I like to event train, and that keeps me going!

from lorna jane

Oh and if adidas or any other running shoe people want to send me some shoes, yeah that would be very very cool. Dead runners, budgeting and a half marathon so close is not very cool!

I still can't believe, 29. Sheesh!

Tougher Than The Rest

2010-08-10T22:02:00.003+12:00

I'll be 29 in a few hours.

Have some cake for me people, and thanks for listening!

xx

Treat of the Week #1

2010-08-08T20:47:00.002+12:00

Today at the organic shop I was hunting for a treat, not food based, well kind of, but one that wasn't going to be a stupid idea. That was when I stopped at the tea section and thought, treat, zero calories, not something I would buy, and I have been meaning to try some different types of tea for ages. I bought a small packet of the one above, only 10 bags and had cup this afternoon, it was much nicer than I expected!

I've got a big training week this week. plus no rest day until next weekend sometime. Plus it's my birthday on Wednesday, which I am unusually down about, very odd.

I've got my lunch and water, oats and snacks ready for the next two days (as I am having three days off this week). I am ready for bed, i'm not sure if it is because of my training, or work stuff or what, but I'm not sleeping as well as normal. I'm zonked!

And with that, I bid you goodnight:-)

The build up

2010-08-07T21:53:00.002+12:00

I only have a 10km run tomorrow for my long run, at race pace, so it needs to be 1.12:59...seriously. But the mileage ramps up next week, until the half. I need to make time in the next few weeks to be somewhat familiar with the course, as it's just out of town, it makes me feel a bit more comfortable knowing that before race day!

I got a fair bit done today, even with a sleep in. I went and checked out my local market which has been running for a while, and is very close to my place. I don't know if it was because of the weather, or what but it was tiny, and there wasn't much choice for produce or price for that matter. I did pick up a few things, including two wholemeal loaves of bread (one of which I froze), and some eggs, and vegies. I'll still be heading to the waterfront one tomorrow after my long run, to get more supplies. I also got my gym session in, and went to the library.

So far the no supermarket shopping experience has gone well, I have come to realise though I buy alot of processed stuff, tinned chickpeas, bread, crackers, things like that. I guess I thought I really didn't buy anything processed, but I do, not alot compared to some folks I guess, but enough to go ohhh. I might have to pop into the supermarket though...for toilet paper, and milk, umm and vegemite...i've run out! I did end up buying, soaking and cooking dried chickpeas though, which was not as hard as I thought, plus they taste so much better! So i'm on board for keeping that up!

I've also signed up for a spinathon in few weeks! It runs for 6 hours in total, and you can do at least a one hour session. I checked with my trainer to see what was okay seeing as I have a scheduled 19km run the day after...umm that would be 3 sessions are fine, as long as I rest the rest of the day :-) So three hours of straight spinning classes in a row my legs and more importantly my rear hurt just thinking about it!

What to do when you come last in a race?

2010-08-03T22:36:00.003+12:00

Hope like hell you'll get faster!

I had a 5km race tonight, one that runs weekly until April. So no doubt, I will come last again at some time during the remaining races.

I missed a 5km PB by 30 seconds, however it's now overshadowed by coming last.

I'm thinking for the series just to concentrate on improving my time, rather than my place at the finish.

Thoughts?

Go on!

2010-08-01T19:04:00.002+12:00

Take a look here.

I've been thinking the last few weeks, and actually most of the year about food wastage, recycling, and just doing what I can for the earth in general.

I try to use less plastic bags, and only use them when I forget to pack my trust enviro sack in my bag during the day, and finding out later in the day I need to go to the supermarket. And use products that are easier on the environment...which is okay when they are on special but can be hard when I look after the flat account, and the housemates just want value. So some months environment win, others not so much.

I also have been working hard at only going shopping when my pantry is well and truly bare, but then stocking up well when its ready to be filled, so I won't waste. I've frozen vege cut offs for soup, and today I cooked up a little bit of mince but made more than one type of meal out of it by bulking it out with chickpeas or vegies.

I try to recycle everything possible and remind certain folk that cardboard goes in the recycling!

So I'm very keen to give ACONSO a go, given that I forgot today was the 1st of the month, it may have to start tomorrow, and I the only time I plan on going to the supermarket is to get toilet paper and things like that, unless I can work something out that isn't overly costly (like going to the organic shop to get toilet paper...not making my own people!)

Go on, have a go!

Things I Love Thursday

2010-07-22T21:24:00.002+12:00

4 day weeks
Due to a crazy amount of time in lieu I've accumulated way back when I first started my job, I know have Friday's off until the end of August. It's awesome.

Foam Roller
A combination of reading about it here and listening about it and finally today, my trainer brought it out for my rather trashed legs, and a 14.5km long run tomorrow. I'm so going to get me one of these for my birthday in a few weeks!

Spring!
Yeah, it's mid winter here still, but once August is here....so close to Spring!

Giving up free cookies/biscuits
We have free biscuits at work. I started well, not having any, knowing what would happen if I started. Then I had one, and hmm. No for free tasty treats!

Birthday!
It's my birthday in less than a month! And I turn 29, it's kind of freakin me out. But I've also promised myself new running shoes, oh and a foam roller ;-)

You ran how far?

2010-07-19T17:29:00.002+12:00

I've received mostly positive feedback about my half marathon experience and training for my second one. I have got a few odd looks when I have mentioned the second one though. This could be for many reasons, you know the fat, people's own insecurities, dreams, etc. Anything. I do try and not take it personally. I LOVE running. Remember this?

I have compiled an FAQ - Anything else you want to know, drop me a line!

Had you run much before?
I didn't run pretty much at all before September last year, when I began my first camp boot, my leg workouts before then mainly consisted of spin classes. Through camp boot I learned to sprint, and run hills, a lot of hills, and run in the cold, rain, heavy rain, and wind, and all of them combined.

Did you have a trainer?
Yes, BUT I couldn't see him that regularly during training due to work commitments during most of the training leading up to the race. But we went over a plan together, I checked in and had a few sessions now and then. Probably the best thing I did besides going over the plan with him, was having a debrief on the Monday after. We went over everything from time, hydration, nutrition, and future plans.

How often did you train?
I ran three days a week and did cross training when I could. I always made sure I did my runs, and even on very very busy weeks I still made time for all three. I was scheduled for more cross training but I started a new job when my training kicked into gear, and was away from home, but still managed somehow to make time for the long runs.

Did you have a running buddy?
Not really , I've run a few times with a friend who is faster than me, so we start out together and meet up again at the end. I generally don't run with others, because I can't talk and run, and running is kind of 'me' time.

Did you have a time in mind?
Kind of, you can read about those thoughts here.

What did you eat during the half?
I ate natural jelly snakes, they worked for me, and didn't upset my stomach. I had tried gels and my stomach had revolted during training. I think I had about 6 snakes and most of them in the second half of the race. I intend to try other things during training the second time around too. Beforehand I had oats, and some fruit, because it's my normal breakfast and I didn't want to test new stuff out on race day.

Did you have any technical gear?
Not really, I borrowed a friends polar watch, and then didn't give myself enough time to work it out. Yeah you kind of want to do that beforehand. I have a well worn pair of puma running tights, which are amazing, I wish I had bought more than one pair - I'm not sure that counts as technical gear though. Oh an my shoes, which I had fitted, and need to get fitted again! I don't really hold brand loyalty as such, mainly because most of my life not been able to fit into funky sporting apparel-so I just get what works, But adidas make great running shoes - for me anyway.

Best advice?
Line up and get the post race massage, mine cost $10 and was ten minutes of torture, but so worth it. I also treated myself to a massage two days later, which was well worth it. If you want to reward yourself, go the massage way!

When is your next half marathon?
Mid September, so i've just started increasing my mileage again in the last couple of weeks.

Are you going to do a full marathon?
Yes, I am, but it won't be until early next year - well before my 30th in August.

Mud Run 5km Race Report

2010-07-18T15:40:00.003+12:00

Okay, so it wasn't called the mud run. But oh yes people there was mud.
As from the previous post I wanted to better my time, and I didn't, it was fine though I clocked in around 37/38 mins, which was cool. And I spent about one minute in total beating myself up about not being able to run that fast during most of the race, due to the mud.

Mud, and muddy grass. It's a miracle I didn't slide down the embankment, or fall on my arse. But I ran along the road fast, hit the mud grass and jogged slooow, tried faster, err no. Back to slow jog, running when I hit path, back to slow jog, and then back all the way again, one I hit the road on the way back I promised I would let go, pick up my legs and run like a you know what. I had an awesome finish, with nothing left in the tank. Happy.

The rugby was much better than I expected, we had front row seats! And I cheered away, froze, and was glad at the end that my home was only a short walk away.

Even though it's still very much mid winter here, I keep wondering about Spring, and events for then and Summer - Besides the half.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Small Race, Big Dreams

2010-07-17T17:08:00.002+12:00

I have my first race since the half marathon, a short 5km race tomorrow along the river. I almost switched to the 10km, but my training plan said 5km, so I'm being strict and sticking to the 5km intending to go all out. What time am I looking for? 35 minutes and under would be awesome, and I'm hoping to clock around 30 mins before Christmas! I just need to pick up my legs and increase my stride.

Food wise, things have been on and off. I'm still having these insane sugar cravings, and I am slowly getting them under control, and realising that for now, I just can't have a treat now and then, for me it doesn't work, because it just tends to all go down hill. I just need to find an easier way of controlling it, or maybe controlling me a little bit more. I don't want to deny myself, but I also do want to get to goal, and treats all the time and getting to goal do not go hand in hand. No matter how much I run.

Tonight I am off the my first All Blacks game! I'm not the biggest rugby fan, but it should still be a great, I just hope the weather warms up!

Running Muesli

2010-07-11T17:36:00.002+12:00

Another stunning Sunday here in Wellyville, there was sun - but it was still very very cold. But blue sky aplenty! Yesterday I rugged up and headed out for a 13km long run along the bays, it wasn't the best run. I had bought new running tights, and they were starting to slip once I hit the end of the street.I ran back home swapped them for my old ones, and then noticed my NEW ones had a hole in them...bad form PUMA, made worse by the lack of stitching on the seam, wtf! (I'm heading back to get a refund tomorrow). Saying that my old running tights are also by PUMA and are amazing.

The run also included two bathroom stops, and getting raced by young children along the beach, by which time I had lost my sense of humour - normally i would have found it amusing if I wasn't running at the pace of a snail. I ran to a friends house, which was good as I had miscounted to bays, and if I had headed home it would have been closer to 17km.

Today I slept in, and missed the trail run, oops. BUT I did head into town for brunch, then the market, and then vowed to do something about the excess amount of oats and made muesli. Then because I missed my trail run, I went on a 5km run, again not thinking that the way out it was all up hill, but let loose on the way back, and clocked in at 36:28 - It felt oh so good.

Back to the muesli, I looked at Phil's recipe and adapted it to what I had bought from the local organic store earlier this morning.

6 cups rolled oats
2 tsp nutmeg
2 tsp cinnamon
1.5 tbl LSA mix
1/2-3/4 cup of pepitas
2/3 cup raisins
6 dried figs chopped
3/4 cup of coconut

I've never made muesli before, it hardly took anytime - I don't know why I thought it would take longer, I tasted a spoonful - tasted good. Will be interesting to see how it goes tomorrow morning for breakfast!

Get your veg!

2010-07-05T20:43:00.002+12:00

I had a pretty quiet weekend, the very short 20 minute run on Saturday, and a walk into the fruit and veg market on Sunday, followed by an attempt at tennis. Given the lovely weekend here, it was refreshing to put on a hat, and have a hit outside. Not that I hit much, some work to do there, but had a blast.

I have some time in lieu to use up from work, so I have a few four day weeks ahead with Friday off, so that should be great. The plan this Friday is to hunt for some new workout gear - which I DO need (yes I have ONE set) ahem. And, no I don't smell. But the top especially needs replacing, and I need running pants.

Oh and I need new shoes, again, I have the one pair. Which was fine when I wasn't running almost every day, now I am.

Back to the topic, I went to the vegie marker on Sunday morning, grabbed a load of vegies and some fruit. And had an awesome post spin dinner tonight of spinach on toast with boiled egg, and some roasted yams and carrots. Yes I need to go grocery shopping. And I roasted some pumpkin and beetroot for tomorrow night, I might get some fish on the way home for that meal.

I start back in full swing for my second half marathon in less than 11 weeks, so I'm clocking back up the kms/miles this week. Need to get me some jelly snakes!

Up next!

2010-06-29T20:08:00.003+12:00

Thank you all for your lovely comments! I check my email first thing in the morning at work, whilst sipping my coffee and eating my breakfast, it always a great way to start the day - a few happy tears in the last couple of days.

I still can't believe I did it - But I did!

I had planning session with my trainer yesterday. We went over how my race went, and if I had any issues, mainly a lack of hydration in the days leading up - but nothing awful.

I am on my second rest day today, and can work out again from tomorrow, but only light cardio...as i'm still in recovery mode - but I can run again on Saturday - for twenty minutes! Next week I'm back to 3 runs a week at 5-7km with some off road in readiness for an off road race next weekend, and and off road 10km a week after that.

Another half?
Hell yes, I'm doing one in mid September! So training will pick up in the next couple of weeks, I'm aiming to cut my time by ten minutes. I can't wait! I had an awesome time on Sunday, and I really enjoyed it!

After September, who knows? I thought I had come prepared enough to my session, but no my trainer is now hunting down events for me to do post September, it could be anything, and it won't be easy!

If anyone knows of any events/races post September, let me know :-)

I had my post race massage today in addition to my ten minute post race one on Sunday - an hour of leg and lower back massage, painful, but well worth it! Who needs to stretch more, and learn how to use a foam roller? ME!

Race Report - Half Marathon

2010-06-27T16:42:00.003+12:00

Morning
Got up around 7am, I had prepped some oats the night before, and bought some white bread yesterday, but the nerves of this morning meant I just had my trusty oats, with berries and a little bit of sugar, I did make a cup of tea, but realised I hadn't had enough water yesterday, so ditched that and stuck to water. Left the house a bit after 8am (I live very close to the start), and wandered on down. I had filled my pack with an jumper for the end, some more water, a banana, my left over jelly snakes, and my wallet and keys - all to be picked up after.

It has rained all last night, and the wind, oh dear. The rain continued for most of the brief stroll in, and the wind started to pick up. I dropped my pack with a friend who was racing with me, and was rather quiet, no usual nervous chatter, the nausea started, I just wanted to start. We did some stretching, I hung out near the door, so the shock of the cold when I did get outside didn't hit me to hard. We got called up to the start and the race brief, the brief was very hard to hear, but I was sure if something was up the marshalls would let us know, I bumped into another friend, and tried to chat to the girl next too me.

Start
The gun went off and we headed down the concourse of the stadium and into the city and along the waterfront, I went out way too fast, but slowed myself right down, when I the 2:10 pace group pass me about 3-4km in. It started to pour, and the wind picked up and I was heating up fast, at that point I chose to take off my jacket, and just get wet. It worked, I cooled down a bit, and my pace settled in.

The Bays
The course headed around the bays, the fog had been there for goodness knows how long, but I did see the ferry, waiting for the tug boat. I clocked around the bays quite quickly, and grabbed water at the water stop just before I headed in to the bay loop, and just as I headed out. If I had known there was no drink stop at the half turn point, I would have grabbed some powerade - for some reason I was sure that there was a drink stop there, nope.

Airport
We headed toward and past the airport, I took this slow. Still running, but also looking for friends that were coming back from the turn point, I saw my two, and also two peeps from campboot! I tucked into my jellysnakes, and wished for the half turnaround, which eventually came on the other side of the harbour. I tried to make up some time, on the way back past the airport, not too hard, but just pumping my arms more, the legs followed. I did get distracted by a guy dressed as a rabbit, as in the full suit! That kept the smile on my face.

Back In

I hit the drink stop for the third time, and grabbed the powerade, and kept running, more jelly snakes, and hit the bay section. I had a bit of a tail wind, it was possibly more, but having run most of the race into one, it was hard to tell. I chatted with a few people on and off, and tried to increase pace slightly here and there. It seemed to be taking longer, only because I had miscounted the bay loops, and was expecting to see the city, when another bay appeared.

The beach
I hit the beach end of town, and hit my watch 2:11, I knew I would make it under 3 hours at this point, and with about 5km to go, I was pumped. I grabbed more powerade at the last drink stop, and more jelly snakes. And headed along the water, and around the waterfront, I slowed down a bit, as my back started to stiffen, and a blister started on my foot (from the soaked socks!).

Home stretch!
The last 2km were good, I took them slow and easy, and tried to increase my stride. In this race, you actually have to run up to concourse back in to the home straight, so I was aware of not going all out until I had gone up there, and could see the finish line. Once I got to the top, I kicked down the straight, passed some friends that had finished earlier, and powered home, and hit the line at 2:44.37

I was stoked!

I grabbed medal, had my timing chip removed, grabbed some more water etc, and picked up my goody bag and met my friends. Apparently I looked good ;-) Except for some leg stiffness, I felt great.

The post run massage was well worth the $10, and I walked easier out of the stadium, and headed home. My friend and I were going to head to the post race prizegiving, but chose a hot shower and brunch instead, we were cold! We got changed and header to Parade for some eggs and coffee, so good.

Random facts
I borrowed my friends polar watch and then found it too hard to use, or maybe I was just too nervous, hence why I hit the time button so late, up until then I had no idea how fast/slow I was going. Ha.

Jelly snakes are awesome, and the powerade didn't upset my stomach. I'm going to try more sports drinks and gels in the coming months, as the ones so far play havoc with my stomach.

I got one blister, small but annoying, from wet socks, I couldn't do anything about it.

I could only remember some of my time goals, so I looked at the sub 2:40 a few post back this afternoon and went nah, 2:44 is good enough!

No i-pod or music, my headphones died last week, and have not been replaced yet. Also since campboot, I've found it easier to run without them.

Finally
You are not too slow, too fat, too lazy, too whatever. Less than 12 months ago, I wasn't sure I could run ten minutes for campboot let alone anything else.

If I can do it, sure as hell you can too!

Ready!

2010-06-26T14:46:00.002+12:00

One sleep out and I think I'm ready.

I've laid all my stuff out, pinned my number on my race top, laced my timing chip in, place my jelly snakes in my gear. I picked up everything yesterday at registration, grabbed a pace band, and got a awesome jacket - which I desperately needed, and given todays weather, oh that was indeed a good choice - its teeming down and there is a southerly billowing, hopefully it will ease up even slightly by the morning.

I've borrowed a friends polar watch to use to check my time at the 10km point, and got some new batteries for it today.

I'm not the most organised person, but I've got my oats soaking and ready for the morning, made pasta bake for tonight, and got some white bread! So I have very little to do, between now and then except relax, and try and not get too nervous.

This is not the most organised post, i'm a bit, nervous, excited, terrified, and a little bit proud!

See you at the finish :-)

The non dip, and half marathon aims

2010-06-22T20:24:00.002+12:00

I didn't end up participating in the ocean dip on Sunday, I had done it last year, and it was heaps of fun, and yes bloody freezing. But after running soaking wet on the trails for over an hour, I thought it best to stay inside, and keep warm. If I could have my time again, I would have gone!

I had pt yesterday which was great, and told my trainer my goals for the half marathon.

1. Finish, obviously.
2. Run all of the way except for drink stops, but I'm not going to be stupid if I need to walk, i'll walk.
3. Finish under 3 hours.
4. Anything under 2.40 and i'll be happy.
5. Anything under 2.30 and i'll be stoked!
6. 2.20 is my magic time!

Look folks, I'm not pressuring myself, it's my first one, so it'll be a pb anyway, but it's good to have a goal in mind. I'm going to have fun, I'm going pace myself, and I'm going to have a massage when it's done, and a grin like no other.

Now, if you are local, and you want to come support, that would be super cool. You can stand outside the pool on the bay and throw me some fruit!

:-)

Race Report and some cheese

2010-06-20T13:52:00.002+12:00

I completed my first trail running race today. It was pouring down with rain, and a little bit cold. I ran with two shirt layers, and a hoodie - yeah I don't own a waterproof to run in - need to fix that. But for the short course it was fine. My third layer was still dry by the finish.

I enjoyed the race, most of it was awesome. Except for the rather steep (for me) downhills, which would have been not too bad if it had not been raining, but on top of that my glasses kept fogging up, so I couldn't see that well on the downhills, so that was at a very slow walking pace. But on the flats I was solid, that felt good.

I am going to do the next one, being rather new, I'm just sticking to the short course, I'm not in it for a pb or anything, just some fun, and something a bit different. And the coffee van at the end, and some sweet buns (didn't have those, but next time yeah!)

I came home, had a brilliant hot shower, and hit the supermarket to make this. I forgot the get the cottage cheese, which doesn't matter, its very cheesy - given that I don't have cheese that often, but even so, cheesy goodness!

Given the early start I've had quite a productive day - run, cooking, and some housework.

:-)

A good day!

2010-06-19T15:28:00.003+12:00

Coffee from one of my fave coffee haunts.
Some counseling - not fun, but good for my soul.
A 16km run, the last before my half next weekend.
A bagel, and a hot chocolate.
Water.
A walk to a second hand bookstore, scored a two in one Lisa Jewell.
Picked up the film festival guide.
Bus home.
Washing on.
And watching Lost in Austen.

And it's only 3.30pm!

Tomorrow, a trail run, and a mid winter ocean dip!

Happy :-)

Ignoring the obvious and then some...

2010-06-16T15:48:00.002+12:00

My jeans are tight, not in a uncomfortable way, but in a I shouldn't be noticing them way. The last month has seen more work dinners than I ever thought possible, three courses, wine, more wine. Quick lunches, ham and cheese toasted sandwiches, toast, toast, brownies, and more wine. Working this weekend in a hospital I took a moment to hop on some scales, and was horrified to see 109 appear, I'd put on 4 kilos in less than a month. WTF?! But then I knew, I just kept at it, in totally the wrong way. Took all my stress and emotions out on food. And I still ran three days a weeks, but now a week and a bit out from a half marathon, I'm not looking at a decent time anymore, I just want to finish. All my self esteem kind of got thrown out the window.

I get to the same point every year or so, where things go a bit crazy, and I finally work out enough is enough. I can't do this anymore. I have the same excuses, again and again.

I finally have worked out my exercise niche, I love exercising, LOVE IT. Yeah I get lazy some days, and I've worked that I work better when I am training for something, so I don't have many exercise issues anymore. If its not raining, I run outside, if it is I run inside at the gym.

So to the food?

I know what works - and its lunches that do me in every time.

Being organised.
Variety.
Taste.
But mainly its about being organised.

I don't want to have the same bad habits at my new work, we have biscuits at morning coffee every day, and from day one I have not had any, I don't want to get into that habit.

I want to get my weight down to under or as close too 100kgs by my 29th birthday which is a little over 8 weeks away. I can do it.

I don't know what I so scared of. I really don't.

The end is...

2010-06-13T20:53:00.002+12:00

I've been very very busy with work the last few weeks, its the busiest time of year. Long days, work dinners, early starts, and i've been just keeping up with my running, just.

I've been away for work this weekend, and things have just wrapped up, i'll have a few more things to finish this week at work, but then I have no more excuses....for eating like a crazy person, not that i did in the first place, but i've noticed i've put on. Not great, but good that I am well and very much over it, yet again.

I want to get off the merry go round!

Garlic?

2010-05-14T21:07:00.002+12:00

I'm run down again, new job, settling in there at their most busy time of year, and being a bit more stressed than normal. This morning my throat was a bit sore, and the need for me wanting so much more sleep was becoming more clear, with my body screaming out REST!

So i'm in bed, and yes, I'm about to go to sleep soon, or at least try. A friend suggested swallowing a clove of garlic to defend against impending doom. Strange, but i'll try it. Then I'm going to brush my teeth!

Lost?

2010-05-13T22:11:00.003+12:00

So far this year I felt more myself, and more lost at the same time. I've felt in limbo for a very long time about a few things, and I still feel like I left myself behind and I can't remember where that place is or was, where I am me. Just me. I think I just wanted to shut everything out, and retreat, but I've retreated long enough. I'm not depressed, I know that feeling, this feeling, is just one of unease, and anxiety, and I'm normally not an anxious person.

I'm starting to become more aware that food is not just food for me, yeah I love it, and I'm much better controlling what I eat and stuff. But I'm always holding back from being committed enough to make that change, and get to goal.

When I was growing up, I was told I would always be fat in one way or another, and ugly. Thank you wonderful family! Not. But I never realised until now how much that affected me, and changed the happy girl I was, into someone else, someone scared, guarded, and who found her solace in food.

My shrink-man said the other day in relation to another topic entirely, that all I had to do was try something different, don't do what I normally do, because that forces the person to not behave how they normally would. And the whole situation changes. Everything changes.

Last year a friend and I went to a travel show, we got heaps of booklets and brochures. I put the bags behind a chair when I got home, and I've never been through them since. I would never have done that before, yes I'm still excited by more travel, and seeing so much more of the world. Yet those shiny brochures, just sit in the bag. I just can't force myself to look at them.

It's like I've stopped dreaming, and I really don't know why.

I've had a pretty rough week, so in part that is coming out above, but yes, I feel rather lost, and like I don't know myself at the moment, and that is an empty feeing, and one I don't want to flood over me.

things of love

2010-05-11T20:00:00.006+12:00

The lovely Phil over at Green Ink has been writing about things she loves. And given the day I've had, not that great, and I just said good bye to one of my best friends here as she is heading back to Ireland, I thought something with a bit of warmth rather than kindred tears would be best tonight.

I love lots of things, and my desires and likes have changed alot of over the years, and some have remained the same. Below is my top ten!

1. The Written Word
I love books, bookstores, libraries, reading. I tend to go by myself when I'm book hunting - otherwise I'll be there for hours. It's very much my happy place.

2. Cake
I LOVE cake. I could eat for every meal, but I don't. As much as I love cake, it does not love me! At the moment cake and I are on a break, one day we will live happily together. Oh yeah, cake.

3. Running
I love the air in my lungs, the rhythm, sweat, and the numbness that hits after the initial pain subsides, I'm glad I worked at my running. It makes me feel so alive.

4. Coffee & Anthony Bourdain
I generally have a coffee with a friend before my work day begins. Some weekends I will go without, and sometimes on a Sunday, I'll have two. Full cream milk, always. After I switched back from trim/skim, yeah not going back. I have it without sugar unless I have a bad bitter one, which isn't that often.

Anthony Bourdain, I've just discovered him.

5. Yoga
I always find myself on the mat, everytime, no matter how much time has passed between practice.

Get off the road!

2010-05-10T19:28:00.005+12:00

On Sunday I ran my first off road 5km race. In addition to being my first ever 5km (I've done, 4, 7.5 8, but never 5 flat!) it was also my first off road race around part of the Wellington coast. I had intended to do the 10km up until a couple of weeks back, and then I realised my long run scheduled for my half marathon was only supposed to be 6km. I had a great time, the event was really well run, we had personalised race numbers with our names (how cool) and a medal when we finished. It was awesome!

I don't own trail runners and used my general running shoes, and they went fine. It was a flat course, but off road, so I spent a lot of time watching my foot placement. And trying to pace myself, I wanted to run the whole way, except for the drink stop, and push hard toward the end. I had three goals for the race.

1. Run the whole way.
2. Clock in with thirty something minutes.
3. Yeah I can't remember the third, oops, but there was one, probably to pace myself haha.

But my number one aim for any run or race is to run the whole way, except for stops to drink, and cross the road etc. It makes me pace myself too, and not go too hard out.

36:37 was my time, STOKED!

:-)

Things that don't mix well.

2010-05-02T15:19:00.002+12:00

That slightly hungover feeling from the night before, followed by your first long run in prep for the half marathon.
Bad, freakin bad idea people.
I didn't have that much to drink, but I had mixed. Hmm. Bad.
It looked warm, then I found the air was cold, I felt sick because I went out too fast. Then I heated up, there was Sunday afternoon traffic EVERYWHERE. I walked, I jogged, I walked, walked, jogged, then I just plain walked. Until the last bit, and I ran.

People, I was so glad to be home!

It's a nice day here, so i'm happy I was able to go about the local streets near my place and not freeze or be blown away.

I'm glad I pushed myself to do todays run, but I really do hope it gets better!

Trainer approved training plan!

2010-04-28T18:15:00.002+12:00

New job is super busy, I will make time for reading and commenting asap! But before I head off again, below is my new training plan! Keeping in mind I'm in training for my first half marathon :-)

Monday weight training (am) yoga (pm)
Tuesday run (am) boxing (pm)
Wednesday xtraining (am) yoga (pm)
Thursday run (am)
Friday weight training (pm)
Saturday REST DAY!
Sunday long run (am)

Be good!

xx

Desk Envy

2010-04-20T20:25:00.003+12:00

image from flickr
deapeayjay

I've been working on a temporary basis for almost two years, yes at the one job. So now with the new job being permanent. I'm looking forward like my normal self in a candy store, to my own desk! (I could have said kid in the candy store people, but I've never really changed!)

So, tell me about your desk/work space folks. Is it messy, tidy, do you have plants, photos, stress balls, or is it just plain work?

In other news the kitchenette crisis of yesterday has been solved with news that on another floor (I only thought we had two, but no there is a third mystery floor!) Which is currently having a kitchen/lunch space put in. Win!

Oh and I went running this morning, which is why now I have wine, just half a glass, but yeah it's hit me!

First Day Jitters

2010-04-19T22:04:00.003+12:00

First day at new place of employment went well.

Pros

-Permanent job
-Two work trips coming up before end of June - over weekend = TIL!
-Nice, very nice office space
-Printer works
-People appear to be very normal

Cons

-No desk/phone/etc yet - due to refurb all will be finished on Monday
-Not sure where said desk will be so unable to spend time dreaming of desk organisation fantasy
-No kitchen, just a tiny kitchenette - will force me to leave office for lunch though.
-Lift is dodgy, getting fixed, be without lift for 6 weeks, on 6th floor. Perhaps should just start taking stairs NOW.

It was good, they made me feel really welcome. WIN.

.....oh and we now have a wicked cleaning roster, guess who was first?! Thanks for the advice folks!

People that drive you raving mad!

2010-04-14T20:48:00.002+12:00

I don't get angry/pissed off whatever you want to call it very often. And I am sure I had something much more interesting to write about. But allow me this post, to vent.

One of my housemates is STUPID. Look, she's not dumb, but just some common sense would go along way.

It does not help, that I just heard her complain about me not cleaning. I didn't think she thought I was home, and if I was, I didn't think she expected her voice to carry that far. I was, and it did.

I clean people, actually i'm the only one that cleans, serious. My other housemate gets away with not cleaning as much because she drags out rubbish and recycling most weeks down 4 flights of stairs, and does her fair share of dishwasher duty.

I digress.

And will explain a little more.

The stupid one, isn't young, well she's 27 or near about. But I had thought she had lived out of home, she hadn't. BIG MISTAKE. Most of the time it doesn't bother me, but then there was the time she asked me how to clean a toilet. And then the other night, how to unscrew a light bulb.

Umm. Parents teach this, and if they don't surely you have seen someone to it, and if you havn't.

Wouldn't you just take a crack at it people?!!!

I liken it to kind of like having a teenager in the house. It's seriously not cool.

Vent over :-(

Swamped

2010-04-07T21:15:00.003+12:00

I finish up at work on Friday, so finishing up everything is really full on. I can't wait for the week off.

Thank you for all the comments in the previous post, going to sit down with my trainer and go over things in the next week or so. I'm very much and all or nothing kind of person, and I want to do EVERYTHING. Ha.

So far besides work this week, I've been for a run, tried a thai boxing class, and some hot yoga.

Thai Boxing was here. Thoughts? I'm glad I had done boxing before, and my trainer has helped me with my technique. Also there is sometimes nothing better than finishing a hard day or just feeling meh and spending some time hitting it out on the bag. This was my first Thai class, and I learned to kick...the kicking was much more fun than I thought it would be. I went with a friend who has a black belt in karate, so her kicks were much stronger. But we both had fun.

The class was not as intense as I thought it would be, but keeping in mind it was a beginner class, and there was a lot of show then do kind of thing. Whereas my normal class, he does that, but if you already know what he is showing you start. Plus my class is much smaller than the one I attended this week. There were 8 of us in the beginner group, and when we joined the larger group maybe about 20 - but it didn't feel squashed.

Pros: Big space, lockers, cheap towel rental, pro fighters, friendly folk.
Cons: For me it was the intensity, but it is what I am used to.

Cost: It's free for your first class, and they have a price list with casual and plan prices. $2 for towel rental, if you forget yours like I did.

Final Word: Worth a try!

Nite x

Training mess

2010-03-31T20:41:00.003+13:00

I'm really torn about what to do with my training.

I can't do it all. Or at least I can't see how to fit it in.

Running - Yes want to do this, and have half marathon at end of June. So 3- 4 runs per week.
Swimming - I'd like to get faster. 1-2 swim/squads per week. I'm trying to find a squad.
Yoga - Once a week. Why you ask?

I still need to do my weight training, interval sessions, strength work (don't ask me the difference, my trainer has them marked in my training diary!)

And then there is boxing and spin....

Do I just concentrate on the running, and my trainer specific stuff? And drop the everything else?

I should email my trainer about this...shit, he's going to ask me what I've been up to?

But some of you must have had this problem before? Spill!

:-)

Oh dear

2010-03-30T19:42:00.002+13:00

Did you know at the end of March I would have worked out...once, hmm maybe twice, but no more. And I've kind of enjoyed it. But I just can't keep it up, it's bad for my health and not just my weight, I've turned into a bit a grump and that's also been as it has been quite stressful of late. So much going on! No excuse, but I've realised I do need to find more balance in my life. I've spent most of the past few weeks having lunch at my desk almost every single day, it's nuts. And it's not because i'm not able or organised. It's that I can't say no.

Good thing though? Yeah, I interviewed a few weeks back for another job, and success. Something more specialised and intriguing! Success at last. I can say that now, because I resigned this morning, and I'm so looking forward in just over two weeks to having a week of relax with gym, yoga, a new work wardrobe, running and movies. I can't wait!

I'm also keen to do some events during winter along with my half marathon. More running, may find a running club, need to find a swim club, because my squad now finishes too late for me to be at work on time, unless I sprint :-( And Yoga, yoga will make it back into my life.

Anything else I should add?

Live a little

2010-03-21T16:37:00.002+13:00

Last night I went out with some friends from work, one who was leaving to move back overseas. It was a brilliant night, sangrias, cider, tequila, cocktails and general all round merriment. I sat on the end of the bed early this morning, biting blissfully into a cheese sandwich and some spinach feta bread, it was good.

I think if that had happened a few years ago, I would have beaten myself up over the drinking, and the cheesy goodness, and the beer that sitting next to me know in an unusually warm Welly day.

Although i'm still not in the best position to make the best treat choices - I make better choices overall. It's about refining the process, and living a little and having fun and being happy in everything I do.

Flu Remedy?

2010-03-18T20:34:00.002+13:00

I have been trying to stave off a flu or flu type thing for almost ten days now.

Not happy!

Normally when I start having some symptoms, I'll drink plenty of spirulina from these funky dudes, and I'm sorted. This time though, I think I need to try something with that.

Do you have a tried and trust flu/cold/stupid immune system remedy?

Drag & Force

2010-03-16T20:39:00.002+13:00

I had to force myself to spin yesterday after work. I knew I was feeling to meh to go and do a stock standard workout, I had little will to push myself - note to self - a one week break from the gym now and again is fine, but two weeks, oh yeah i got a bit used to that. I think it may be since little boot ended and half marathon training does not begin until after Easter, I don't actually have anything to train for (yes this makes no sense people I know!). So back to point, yeah I had to drag myself there, it was okay, not brilliant.

Did I do anything today. Nope.

Tomorrow. Yes. But only as I want a St Paddy's Day cupcake soooo bad. Yeah, I'm in a slump like that.

Maybe I can just plug away at the gym, be reasonable with my nutrition - no treats - yeah I tried that, STILL not working. I really can't have any AT ALL.

I guess the last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions, so I shouldn't beat myself up over it.

But yes laziness and an all or nothing attitude sometimes isn't the best thing.

Balance, I need it so.